Today is the dayApr 26, 2019
Every year sometime in the spring, my brain stops wanting to do work. All I want to do is get out in the garden and grow stuff. Even on a rainy day like today. It almost feels like my medication is not working right. It's kinda' like that feeling you'd get the last week of school when you knew it was almost over and the sun was shining and your body was just telling you to get out of that room and get out in the fresh air.
For me this has been going on for about 5 years, since my business really took off and I worked my tail off all winter. Once the spring really came, I'd get this feeling. The first year I noticed it and freaked out. I thought that my meds had actually stopped working. But the following year, I remembered that something similar happened the previous year. And, it went away eventually. But it was still a bit scary. Every year I've recognized it better and freaked out less. And this year, I realize that it happened today. I would have guessed it happened a little later, but it is what it is. It's nice to know that it's nothing to panic about.
The next step is to monitor my attention for the next few months and see when it comes back. Not to say that it is completely gone. I have had a very productive day. I'm just having trouble sitting still and doing office work. I definitely missed posting last week and put doing this off until 3:15. But it is what it is. No sense in fighting it. I've already exercised today. After this I think I'll meditate and see if that gets me chill enough to write another post to back date for last week.
My point is that for me, at least in this realm, self knowledge and acceptance is the victory. I have a presentation to do by May 1st and a conference proposal to do soon, and I'm (in theory) working on my first book... but if I can't still those things will have to not get done today and I will have to be okay with that.
...And I have been super productive in the garden. Check out my new grow lights!
Standard Disclaimer: In an effort to foil my own perfectionist tendencies, I do not edit my posts much… if at all. Please excuse and typos, mistakes, grammatical errors, or awkward phrasing. I focus on getting my content down. In my humble opinion, an imperfect post posted is infinitely better than a perfect post that goes unfinished.