So, about a month ago there was an article in ADDitude the title of which was “Will I Ever Be a ‘Good Enough’ Mother?” When I saw that I knew I was going to have to write a blog post about it even before I read it. So I made a note to come back to it and didn’t have time to read it until today. And, It was exactly what I expected….
So, I acknowledge that there is a unique societal pressure on Moms. This article did a pretty good job pointing that out. But I don’t think that is any great revelation. There is a lot of unfair and undue pressure on women in our culture in pretty much all aspects of their lives. Women get paid 70 cents on the dollar. One in four women are raped or assaulted at least once in their lifetime, if not more. Women are often subject to a glass ceiling. Check out the NOVA “Picture A Scientist,” if you want a good idea of how damn hard it is for women in STEM fields and many other male-dominated professions. https://www.pictureascientist.com/ So, this post isn’t about diminishing the struggles that women face daily in our society, or diminishing the psychological baggage that Moms have in our culture. But, what about the Dads?
I know that there are dads who still can’t use the washing machine and cook anything other than spaghetti. But most of the dads I know are guys who take just as active a role in their households as their wife’s do and they both work full time. In some cases, like mine, the mom is the primary breadwinner. There are a lot of “traditional role” pressures on dads too. We are just expected to stoically bear them. I’ve got a whole nother post in me about learning to break the most of the traditional dad to be a better father to my children. But the point that I want to make here is that the pressure on moms is only partially about the societal forces that they have internalized for generations. It is even more about the pressure that our society puts on the primary caregiver. And that doesn’t have to be the mom. Dads can be under just as much stress to get it all done and present a “together” image to the world as women are. Maybe for somewhat different reasons. But we don’t get a pass because of our Y chromosome.
Again with centuries of oppression, I’m loath to take a shot at women staking claim to anything. But much of that equality that’s been fought for is here. At least it is in my house. I do all the cooking, all the laundry, and I mow the lawn. Isn’t it time to look at moms and dad more as equals, rather than to continue to perpetuate the forced societal roles we’ve been fighting at least since the 60’s? Just a thought. Hope nobody takes it the wrong way.
Standard Disclaimer: In an effort to foil my own perfectionist tendencies, I do not edit my posts much… if at all. Please excuse and typos, mistakes, grammatical errors, or awkward phrasing. I focus on getting my content down. In my humble opinion, an imperfect post posted is infinitely better than a perfect post that goes unfinished.