My Blog: ADHD Since 1978-

A Schedule Gone Awry

I haven’t written anything about scheduling in a while. Nor have I posted the schedule. One of the reasons is that, after years of writing out schedules, I have internalized many of those skills and don’t often have to make a schedule. I work right off my to do list and achieve the same level of productivity. (By the way, I’m finally back to working on my book about the perfect ADHD to do list. So keep an eye out for that. My goal is to finish it this summer.) I do still make an actual schedule once in a while. Usually it is for a day where I have lots of “free time” but a whole lot to get done. I definitely still make a schedule on Thanksgiving. Otherwise, how would I know what time to start cooking? And I’ve got that down to a science. I don’t think I started cooking this year until 1 o’clock. Not counting the pie. Anyway, this was a similar day. I had a large culinary project to do. My annual double batch of strawberry rhubarb jam, plus an extra batch so I’d have something nice to give to the kids teachers as an end of year thank you. In the past, I have posted schedules that were a perfect 10 where I stuff the landing. And I posted schedules that did not go as planned. The idea is to show you that you can achieve a schedule that is accurate. But I also like to demonstrate that, even though I teach this stuff for a living, I don’t always nail it. So it is with much humbleness that I post this schedule for my jam making day, which went so far off the rails, it’s hard to believe I even made a…

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Life lesson about loss.

This is not specifically an ADHD topic. Though our particular wiring may make it more relevant. I don’t know. I’ve been a person with ADHD and mostly work ADHD people. And, this will be a one week hiatus from the BATDL topics. My mom has untreatable COPD, despite never being a smoker or around second hand smoke much at all. If you don’t know, COPD basically makes it so that your lungs don’t work. She has deteriorated quite a bit in the last six months. And she started home hospice last week. My wife, kids, and I have said goodbye. But there could be a month left. The not knowing is really hard. The last week has been very difficult. My attention has been dreadful, largely because my mood has been awful. I’m not a big cryer. I’m more of a “handle logistics now and be classically sad later” kind of guy. So, I’m not wandering around weeping. But I’m not myself. I has taken me all week to feel like I have enough attention to sit down and bang out some blog posts. And, I couldn’t even go through my inbox Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. It has also been difficult being 100% present with my clients. I haven’t told any of my clients because I don’t want to make their sessions about me. And, I don’t think that they would notice how much harder I have to work to be present. But everything has been a challenge. This leads me to the lesson that I learned when I was in my early/mid 20’s. I was working for a brilliant but very, very tough chef named Carmen at a restaurant in the financial district called The Vault. It was an intense and gruelling job on the best days. One day,…

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Step Seven to your BATDL

CHUNKING: BREAKING TASKS DOWN INTO THEIR CONSTITUENT PIECES. The easiest way to explain this is to say that, big things are scary and small things aren’t. Buy a house is scary. Get prequalified, decide on towns to look in, figure out your price range, get a realtor, make a list of “must haves,” etc. aren’t so scary. Maybe a little scary, but not nearly as much. Even, “get a realtor” might seem scary. Ask your friends and neighbors for recommendations is even more straightforward and less intimidating. Bear in mind that the primary job of your list is to capture items in the moment. So, don’t worry about breaking things down in the moment. That will feel overwhelming at least some of the time. If you feel overwhelmed by using your BATDL, you won’t use it. Just get it captured and then break the larger task down later, when you are more optimal. Know that this will make your BATDL many times longer. Just remember that all those steps are actually tasks that you need to accomplish anyway. And the number icon on your list…is just a number. In fact, having so many actionable tasks to cross off will make you love your BATDL even more as you see how often you get to cross things off. Standard disclaimer: When posting my thoughts here, I feel that content is far more important than perfection. I try to practice what I preach that ‘done’ is better than ‘not done…perfectly.’ So, unlike with my book, I don’t edit much, if at all. I hope you can look past any small imperfections and find the content useful.

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Step Six to a BATDL

Before I start with today’s entry, I want to celebrate for a minute. I finally finished my book last week. 209 pages of really good stuff. When I say finished, I mean version 4.2 or something like that. A relatively polished version that is ready to be edited. So, hopefully I can have a final version in a matter of weeks. If anyone knows a publisher… Back to the post. The sixth step to a BadAss To Do List is very closely related to Step Five. Now that you know that your list consists ONLY of the important tasks in your life, you will need to be diligent about putting ALL your important tasks on your list. This might seem obvious to some of you. But almost every one of my clients mentally ‘silos’ their task into, BATDL “worthy” tasks & NOT BATDL “worthy” tasks. Each client might have a different definition for each of those silos. Regardless, it is a mistake. The job of your BATDL is to capture ALL of the tasks you need to complete, so that they are in one centralized location. Don’t forget that, floating around in your head, is a place. You may not be leaving random scraps of paper all over your kitchen or putting Post-it notes all over you office. But when you divide your tasks between BATDL and your working memory, you are still dividing. Any task that there is any possibility of your forget, OR any task that would cause you to lose efficiency by forgetting, even for a short time, at the moment when you need to remember it need to go on your BATDL. That voice in your head that says, “I’ll remember that. I don’t need to put that on my list.” is lying to you. Even…

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Step Five to a BADASS To Do List

There will be a really long chapter in my book about prioritization of what goes on the list and what doesn’t. I can’t hope to capture all of that information in this format. So this will be more like a summary of a summary, compared to the other posts so far. The bottom line is that only important tasks go on your BATDL. If you are constantly inundating your real, important tasks with junk, you will hate your list because it won’t be Badass. As people with ADHD, we need to set ourselves up for success by making it easy. In this case, the “it” is looking at your BATDL. If you look at your BATDL and every task on it is actually important, you almost can’t go wrong. If you are struggling at a certain point in your day, or week, you can just pick any task on your BATDL to accomplish, even one that feels easier. Because you know that every task is inherently important, you don’t need to worry about wasting your time. Even if the chosen task isn’t all the way at the top of the list, as long as you are not actively avoiding a more urgent task as an anxiety response, it doesn’t matter what you get done in those moments. Whatever task that is, becomes something that you don’t have to accomplish later. Also, remember that “importance” is still in the eye of the beholder and encompasses your whole like. Self care is important. Social relationships are important. Sleep and downtime are important. Date night with your spouse is a great example. Especially if you have young kids, planning a date night can feel like a real pain in the ass. And it is generally a task that my clients avoid planning…so it…

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Step 4 to a Badass To Do List: Look at your list

In order for your BATDL to work for you, you need to look at it regularly. By regularly, I mean all day, everyday. A comprehensive list of all the tasks you need to complete is your best bet at living the most efficient and effective life you can. And that is a life that gives you the time to do the things that really want to do. If you struggle to remember to check your list, let alarms on your phone to remind you, at least nine times a day. And, don’t let your anxiety get in the way. Remember that the task you need to complete for your life…exist. They exist in an objective reality. Ignoring them will not make them go away and it will always make things worse. If you experience anxiety about looking at your BATDL, that’s okay. That’s part of the learning process. Know that your BATDL is still your BFF, even if the tasks listed on it are overwhelming. If you are actually capturing all the items and checking the list, that is an opportunity to work through your anxiety and learn that you can do it… with the help of your BATDL. This is a summary of the fourth chapter of my upcoming book: 10 Steps to a Badass To Do List: Task management for the ADHD brain. As always with my blog, I value content over perfection. I am not in the habit of editing much, if at all. I hope you enjoy the content. If any of my (hopefully minor) mistakes bother you… that’s on you. Maybe try meditating?

Read MoreStep 4 to a Badass To Do List: Look at your list

Step 3 on your way to a Badass To Do List: Go Digital

We live in a wonderful world of technology. Yes, it can be distracting for anyone, especially those of us with ADHD. But, if we can use technology as a tool, not a toy, it can help us manage our ADHD in ways that weren’t even dreamt of a generation ago. If you a one of the cool kids, like me and have an android phone, ColorNote is the best app in the history of apps. If you are an iPhone person, it’s okay, nobody’s perfect. I suggest Microsoft To Do. It’s not perfect, but I meets the main criteria and will get the job done. I suggest these apps because they can create a BATDL that is as close to a regular, paper and pencil list as possible, with three key advantages because they are digital. You can sort tasks up and down your list, without having to rewrite it. You can cross tasks off without having them disappear, as on my list apps, or become illegible, as on a paper list. Also, you can ‘batch’ delete all the crossed off tasks, in order to keep your BATDL nice and neat. Resist the temptation to make it more complicated. No starts, color-coding, due dates, flags, sub lists, sub tasks, or daily lists. Just sort the more important and more urgent items to the top of the list, and it will never let you down. This is a summary of the third chapter of my upcoming book: 10 Steps to a Badass To Do List: Task management for the ADHD brain. As always with my blog, I value content over perfection. I am not in the habit of editing much, if at all. I hope you enjoy the content. If any of my (hopefully minor) mistakes bother you… that’s on you.…

Read MoreStep 3 on your way to a Badass To Do List: Go Digital

Step Two to a Badass To Do List

You have to have your BATDL with you all the time. The ADHD brain is a wild, exciting, and unpredictable thing. And, it is absolutely bananas living inside one. Even effectively medicated, I am hardly neurotypical. No ADHDer is. We can amuse and befuddle our closest people with the tangents and leaps that our superbrains make. And it is all logical to us. You just don’t see/hear the 14 thoughts between the last thing you said and the perfectly reasonable (but wildly out of left field to the rest of the world) thing I said next. I point all this out to illustrate that we are not always in charge of what’s going on between our ears. And, as magical as that maelstrom can be, it doesn’t always help us be productive and efficient. Which is why it is essental that we capture our important task immediately in the moment. If we don’t, our brain with be three steps ahead and that task might be lost for quite a while. Also, when that thought does come back, grab it and capture it right away. You might remember a task when you are in the shower. You might remember a task on the subway. You might remember a task in bed at night. You might remember a task while folding laundry. And, there is, literally, no time like to present to capture that task on your BATDL. The secret is that you don’t actually have to remember anything. Really. Well, hardly anything. You just have to remember to capture your task and check your BATDL. If you can do that, nothing will slip through the cracks. How awesome will that be? Rhetorical question. But, I’m going to answer it. It’s completely awesome. I spent many years on this planet wondering what…

Read MoreStep Two to a Badass To Do List

Step 1 to a Badass To Do List

Your list must be a master list. It is likely that you will have a Badass work To Do List (wBATDL) also. But that is for that 9-5 time frame/sphere of your life. But for all the other task that you need to complete, it is essential to have a single, master list. Why? The simple answer is: working memory. You might be familiar with the ADHD trope of the guy with 100 Post-it notes. But you probably have never asked yourself if all those Post-it notes are actually helping that guy. Well, probably not that much. Working memory is the ability to hold things in our mind AND manipulate them. This is a notorious weakness of ADHDers. So, it can be very hard for us to hold multiple tasks in our mind while prioritizing them. But having all of your tasks in one place allows you to move those tasks around, reprioritize them without having to actually hold them all in ours minds. So, don’t make sub lists, daily lists, long term lists, etc. Just put all your task on one master BATDL and it will make your life so much easier. Just don’t get overwhelmed by having everything in one place. Remember, those task exist. They exist whether or not you capture them on the list. But having them all on one BATDL is you best bet for doing them and doing them in a timely and efficient fashion. This is a summary of the first chapter of my upcoming book: 10 Steps to a Badass To Do List: Task management for the ADHD brain.

Read MoreStep 1 to a Badass To Do List

10 Steps to a Badass To Do List

I’ve taken quite a bit of time off from this blog to work on my first book, 10 Step to a Badass To Do List, task management for the ADHD brain. I am currently editing and putting some final touches on the 4th draft. I will be sending it out to readers after that. As I am in the home stretch, I thought I would get back to posting here regularly. And, since I’ve never posted anything about the 10 Steps, I thought it would be a good time to post some concepts, takeaways, and maybe even some excerpts from the current draft. I may mix in some posts on other topics, as I am prone to philosophical musings on many topics. But, to start, here are the 10 Steps. Of course, I generally take almost a full session to teach this to my clients. There’s a lot of nuance. I will be posting more of the details. And, eventually, you’ll be able to buy my book. Standard disclaimer: When posting my thoughts here, I feel that content is far more important than perfection. I try to practice what I preach that ‘done’ is better than ‘not done…perfectly.’ So, unlike with my book, I don’t edit much, if at all. I hope you can look past any small imperfections and find the content useful.

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Managing Anxiety

If you have read my last few posts, you know that I’m taking a break from the blog to focus on finishing my first book: 10 Steps To A Badass To Do List. Happy to say I’m more than half way through an still hold out hope that I will finish by the end of the summer. But I would like to try to post some quick tidbits on here more often. I thought it would be helpful to share what’s going on with my day today. My youngest is at camp for another 24 hours, my oldest is at a friend’s house all day, and my wife is working a wedding. I’m got about 5 1/2 hours all to myself at this present moment. I also have much to do. Yet, there isn’t anything that is “ride or die” at this moment. That gives me a certain amount of anxiety about where to start. The answer is: ANYWHERE! Just work my list and make sure I am doing something productive and that I do get the biggest priorities done at some point today. But it doesn’t matter if I deal with the kids pill containers, my inbox, the weekly food prep, my workout, editing my book, or our semi-flooded basement first. The only mistake is to do nothing or engage in avoidance. And, I decided to type this up and share when I realized that I was coaching myself by saying the phrase in bold to myself. Hopefully you can learn to do the same in the same situation. Now I’m off to crush my list… in no particular order!

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I’m not broken. How about you?

I have been radio silent for quite a bit. Sorry. I’ve been prioritizing self care, family, and enjoying my life. And, I’ve been putting my creative energy toward finishing my first book, hopefully by the end of the summer. But, if you read me at all, you know I don’t like to let it go when I read an ADHD related article that pisses me off. Case in point, this article on ADDitude by the illustrious Ned Hallowell: Wasn’t expecting that big rectangle when I copied and pasted the URL. Oh, well. Here’s my response. “Though I agree with most of, if not all of these tips, I would suggest them to any partner of any person. And, I think the fundamental premise of the article is pretty insulting. As and ADHD coach, I spend quite a bit of time being a cheerleader for my clients because so many people in their lives have treated them as “less than” over the years. Often this includes their spouse(s.) Trying to give relationship advice to ADHD adults starting with the premise that being married to them is “more work,” is not only untrue, but is a blanket statement of “less than-ness” that is fundamentally harmful. Well treated/ well managed ADHD doesn’t have to be a disruptive 3rd party in your marriage. And as long as EITHER party believes that to be true, the marriage will never be a true partnership. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Whether they are related to ADHD or not doesn’t change the quantity or quality of the work you need to put in to your marriage, just the specifics. Again, all the suggestions are great… for everyone. But if you start out believing that one partner is “the burden” in the relationship, they’re not likely to be…

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How to “interview” your new psychiatrist.

picking up where I left off last week… I think interviewing someone who is a expert in something in which you are not an expert is in large part about making sure you’re b******* detector is on full blast. I’m going to focus on questions I think you should ask, rather than specific answers you should look for. Though I might throw a few potential answers in as good or bad responses. Mostly, try to get a feel for the tenor of their answers. Think about whether or not the answers have substance. And try to get a feel for whether or not the doctor even feels comfortable having a conversation where you’re asking questions. of course I can’t find my notes from the last conference I went to, so I can’t tell you the exact numbers. But a staggeringly high number of doctors, when surveyed, stated that they did not have enough education on ADHD in med school. And in almost as high number said they still didn’t feel like they had enough education on ADHD. So I would start by asking any doctor, especially if they they list themselves as an ADHD specialist, what background and education they have with ADHD and where they got it. as a side note, I do have some sympathy for psychiatrists. They do have to keep up with a tremendous number of different maladies, from autism to schizophrenia. It’s a lot of work. But ADHD is the most common and the most studied psychiatric disorder. And the general consensus on treatment, at least, has not changed in the last 30 years. So it’s not the hardest thing to be up on. the second thing I would ask is, their philosophy on medication versus behavioral intervention. This is one where I’m going to…

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