Stress does weird things to you

I’m 43 years old. I have been taking stimulants since I was 10, more or less. Most people experience stimulant related insomnia based on the size of their dose and when they take their last dose during the day. I am at the extreme end of the scale. If I were to lick a ritalin at 10:00 a.m. I would not sleep that night. And it just so happens that I take about 160 mg of Ritalin derive stimulants every day because I’m not quite human. As a result, I did not take a nap for any reason other than having the flu between 1988 and 2021. But my account that’s 33 years, more or less. However, in the last year I’ve started taking these weird nap things where I’m sometimes semi-conscious and sometimes don’t realize how long I’ve been out but wake up remarkably refreshed. This is during the Crux of my medicated day. Today’s nap was from 9:30 to 10:30. It doesn’t happen super often. But it’s an entirely new thing.

now, I’ve been a grinder my whole life. I got through high school with about 3 hours of sleep a lot of nights and did fall asleep in class, but only spanish, and I wouldn’t call it a nap. And I was a grinder as a chef for 10 years never feeling rested and never feeling together. But I never took a nap no matter how tired I was. It’s actually kind of a s***** thing. I always have to make the decision what time to get up based on the needs of the household. But then I’m up for the day. And if I don’t have enough energy or if I’m cranky cuz I didn’t get enough sleep it is what it is.

I guess I’m going to take a little bit of a left turn now and consider how much my medication affects my life. I play in my sleep around it. I plan my meals around it. I plan my work around it. I plan my life around it. It’s no small thing for me. It’s become a part of my life and I accept it. But it’s still a serious pain in the butt. I have to plan my refills, plan my doctor’s visits, fill my pill containers so I don’t run out.

and here’s where I circle back to the original point kind of, with a big time segue. I also do all of that for my kids. And that’s exhausting. Plus, dealing with two mentally ill kids is beyond exhausting. It’s hard for me to imagine that anything could kick my ass enough that I would start napping. But that’s where I’m at in life right now.

I’m asking myself if I have a point right now other than to share what’s going on with me. I guess my point is that stress, particularly the stress of raising kids with issues, but many of us deal with, can be so intense that it has dramatic effects on our bodies. And I think it’s really important to recognize those effects and try to take care of ourselves. I always remember what they say when you get on a plane. If we’re going down, put your oxygen mask before you help anyone else. You can’t help your kids if you’re not helping yourself. So whatever form self-care takes for you, whether it’s exercise, meditation, other mindfulness, eating well, getting enough sleep, taking a nap, social interaction, anything, all of these… get it done.

what’s better for you is better for them…

Standard disclaimer: I promised myself when I started this blog that I would post regularly, hopefully weekly. In order to achieve this goal, I have to fight against my own perfectionists. That means I edit very little if at all. I’m focusing on content not on detail. So please forgive any mypellings grammatical / punctuation mishaps, and anything Strange like weird capitalizations due to my using voice recognition.