so do I mean by context? When my clients struggle with the anxiety of looking at their to-do list I always remind them that the things that they have to do exist in an objective reality. And their best chance of getting them done quickly, efficiently, effectively is to capture them on the list and utilize the list to manage and plan how to get them done. I 100% stand by that statement. But that statement doesn’t tell 100% of the truth. Because context is everything.
I learned a lot of big lessons from the pandemic. I know I’ve written a lot about understanding the difference between being in thrive mode and survive mode. And of course, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t point out that there’s a vast field of gray area in between those two extremes. And, frankly, whether we’re thriving or surviving can be a day-to-day or week to week situation. And there are a lot of different factors that go into our capabilities. Everyone has a certain number of hours in the day. But as people with adhd, we also have to be acutely aware of the number of hours of attention we have during the day, or what I might call our bandwidth. And many of us battle depression and anxiety. Both of those things limit your resources. And that’s just internal stuff. There are plenty of external things that are out of our control that can affect the resources we have available to be productive and efficient.
and this is where the context connects to the mindfulness. We have to look at our to-do list for our calendar or whatever way we plan our time through the lens of looking at ourself. Because I always write from the heart and from personal experience I will be completely transparent and share that my home life is a struggle right now. My 10-year-old’s mental illness is really affecting the family. And one of the results is that I am really depressed. But here’s the thing, I know that about myself. I know that when I’m depressed my attention isn’t as good. I know that I’m not as patient. I know that I have a harder time doing sedentary and/or really detailed tasks.
because I know these things about myself I can adjust my expectations. There is a lot of stuff on my to-do list right now. But I’m more acutely aware of judging how important it is and how urgent. And I’m generally pretty much a machine at getting stuff done. It’s not an accident that I teach people how to be effective and efficient for a living. But I’m struggling today. I did not want to get out of bed. Yet, I managed to shave my head and take a shower before my first client. I was fully present for my two clients today. I would say that I did particularly well with one of them by being challenging to him without being to assertive. That took a lot of mindfulness and a deft touch. I’ve kept the house in order, harvested in the garden, put my new office chair together, have achieved inbox zero with my email, responded to a couple important emails, and really forced myself to come sit outside and dictate three blog entries. And I plan to work out after this.
I have not read my kids back to school emails. I have not made the peach pie filling that I need to make. I have not pickled the cucumbers that I need to pickle for they go bad from my garden. I have not dealt with the tomatoes that need to be dealt with before they go rotten. I have not fertilized or watered the garden today. I have not worked on my book. I have not bought tickets to take the kids to King Richard’s Fair. I have not read the welcome to the season soccer email for my youngest son. And I haven’t done any of the other things I need to do in the garden, which are numerous.
so maybe you’re impressed with the list of things that I’ve gotten done. Maybe it sounds overwhelming to you the things that I haven’t gotten done. Objectively, I can tell you that I have gotten less done today and fewer things that require heavy lifting from an attention standpoint than a usual day where I only have two clients. The day with two clients in and of itself is unusual. But it’s been a slow summer and everyone seems to be on vacation and August. The point is, that I can take my depression into account because I’m aware of it and I’m mindful of it and I can focus on the stuff that I did get done and look at all of those things as major victories in the face of a ruthless and persistent enemy, my own depression. And that’s a choice that I make. I choose not to focus on what I haven’t gotten done. I make sure the most important stuff gets done or the most urgent stuff gets done and after that, it is what it is.
as promised, this one post that turned into three posts was pretty stream of consciousness. Coin flip as to whether or not this makes sense to anybody. But I hope it does. Cuz what I was trying to get to is pretty important. Perspective, contacts, mindfulness, self-compassion are all intertwined and important. Sometimes success can be judged by an objective measure. Sometimes it’s in the eye of the beholder. Most of the time it’s a combination of the two. So I hope you all take something from this and can figure out how to get some stuff done and feel good about yourself and let some good stuff go and feel good about yourself for that too.