A quick post on mom’s and dad’s. I am a dad. I am married to a mom. I have both a dad and a mom. I live in a society where some people enjoy “traditional gender roles.” Some people are forced into “traditional gender roles.” But a lot of us Live in a wonderful post feminist world where those roles don’t so much apply anymore. My wife and I both work. But she works more and is the primary breadwinner. I’m home with the kids more often. I do the cooking but I also mow the lawn. Each play through our strengths to achieve the goals of what we call Team Reid.
As a dad who cooks, and cleans, and takes the kids to the doctor, I really resent all of the articles that I see about being a mom with ADHD. I know, I should stop complaining. I’m a white, suburban, vaguely protestant, man. But I do think framing a mother’s journey as a person with ADHD or parent of a child with ADHD, or both, isn’t fair to dad’s or mom’s. I feel like the journey of a parent is universal.
I will say that the one place I noticed a difference is that mom’s sometimes have more “mom guilt.” But I’ve even seen that change over the years. Men don’t always show it or experience it in the same way, but many of my clients who are dads experience a tremendous amount of guilt and worry about balancing the breadwinning with being present and emotionally available for their kids. As a generation trying not to be Dan Draper, it’s a bold New World for us men as well. We often don’t have a lot of role models as to how to be present at home and fill our traditional roles. For me, the bottom line is that, every person is different. Raising kids in today’s world, especially if either we or our kids have ADHD, it’s tough. We all need support. And I would suggest that that support support would best be delivered in an inclusive way not in an exclusive way.