This is a pretty personal thought… not that my blog is usually clinical and objective… I mentioned a few posts ago that my 4 1/2 year-old was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and started medication. I’m sure someday she’ll be mortified that I have put these thoughts on the internet for eternity. But that’s how important I think this discussion is. So here goes. When I say that my daughter’s behavior was tearing our family apart, it is only a slight exaggeration. I was constantly on edge and yelling way more than I wanted to. My wife ended many a day in tears. And, my son, God bless him, was not getting the attention that he needed and had to walk on eggshells in a way that a nine-year-old shouldn’t. This had been going on for at least a year.  But there was no one symptom/behavior that you could point to and say, “that’s not right.” All kids have tantrums. All kids are unreasonable sometimes. Many kids have sleep issues. Many kids have separation issues with their Moms. Lots of kids struggle with eating real food. Some kids struggle following the rules at school. And, some kids are stubborn and defiant. But when you put all of those things together in one kid….? But what’s the deal? So as part of my continuing education in to ADHD for my career, I attend a three day conference every two years through MGH psychiatric academy called ADHD through the lifespan. The March 2017 conference had tremendous session sessions on ADHD and accompanying conditions. I learned a tremendous amount about dyslexia, tourettes, and bipolar—particularly pediatric bipolar. I had had this presentation in the back of my mind for a year-plus in regards to my daughter. But whenever I mentioned it, which wasn’t often, everyone thought I was…

If you are among the small cadre of people who read my blog regularly, you may be sick of my schedules… or maybe not. But I try to post one every few months so that everyone has something to refer to when I talk about scheduling. Since this is not groundbreakingly new stuff, I’ll be brief.  This was a Saturday when were were having people over for dinner. We were going apple picking in the morning, stopping at a farmers market on the way home and doing our food shopping. The plan was to get a workout in before I had to start cooking for the dinner party. As I’ve said in the past, I don’t make a schedule every day. At this point, I’m pretty good at rolling through my day without writing it down. (Years of practice my padawans.)But on this particular day, there were lots of moving parts, many transitions, and I had to actually write it down to see if/how it would all fit. The schedule was tight but it looked like it all fit… barely. In fact everything moved just a bit slower than anticipated and I forgot to account for putting the groceries and the apples away. Ultimately, I decided not to work out. (A decision that I rarely make. But in this case I prioritized having the meal mostly done when company arrived so that I could take full advantage of a chance at social interaction, which is also a priority for me.) I’m posting this particular schedule because it is very simple and straightforward. Maybe you wouldn’t think a day with this few things would need a schedule. I needed one! Standard Disclaimer:  In an effort to foil my own perfectionist tendencies, I do not edit my posts much… if at all.…

I was going to write about something else today but while going through my mail I finally read an article my dad sent me from the Boston Globe magazine from August 12th. (That about puts into perspective how busy I am.) Turns out it was great. It is entitled “A field guide to happier parenting” by KJ Dell’Antonia AUGUST 07, 2018. I would suggest reading the article before you read my commentary. Happier Parenting Article I like to think that I do most of this stuff and encourage my wife to do the same. After all, I am a life coach. The catch is that parenting kids with issues raises the degree of difficulty considerably. I’m sure, if you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that my now nine-year-old son has ADHD just like his Dad. But, where as Dad was a classic hyperactive boy, he is the absent minded professor — very much off on his on planet, especially when his meds aren’t on board. So, morning routine and evening routine is always going to be more challenging in our household than in many others. But, he’s a kid who just loves school. (He gets that from his Mom!) So homework has never been an issue for him. Now, my four-and-a-half-year-old is another story all together. Between you, me, and the other eight people who subscribe to my blog, she was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder. So, all the great parenting in the world has not helped with her titanic emotional dysregulation in many cases. In the grand scheme of things all the principles of happy parenting apply, but it is much harder to put them into action. There is only so much you can do to facilitate independence in a child who has a morning-altering tantrum 43% of the…

I feel that I have to preface this by saying that I have not read much of Dr. Ned Hallowell’s stuff. But I do have experience with many people who have had negative experiences with his Hallowell Center in Sudbury, MA. And, I’m reasonably familiar with the fact that he’s been touting ADHD as a blessing for many years now. Frankly, I think that’s bull shit. (Pardon my language.) So when the following came in my email I had mixed feelings. From Shame and Stigma to Pride and Truth: It’s Time to Celebrate ADHD Differenceswith Ned Hallowell, M.D., and William Dodson, M.D.Wednesday, October 31, 2018 @ 1pm ET I’m certainly a big believer that ADHD shouldn’t carry the stigma that it does. Things have gotten a lot better from when I was a kid. I don’t think anyone has told me that they don’t believe in ADHD in about a decade. That’s progress. But to say that ADHD is a blessing is such an unbelievable stretch as to be insulting.  I understand the desire to make ADHD into a thing that isn’t only negative. But, I’m curious how one can even define what the “benefits” are. ADHD is a neurobiological disorder that exists on a spectrum. It, likewise, negatively affects functioning on a spectrum. It can be diagnosed and is, thus, subject to standards. I don’t read the DSM V as having any positives listed in the diagnostic criteria for ADHD.  I like to think that the things I like about me are about me, not about my ADHD. Or at the very least that I can separate those two things. Here’s how I always put it: If a genie had come out of a lamp when I was, say, 15 and told me I could change one thing about me,…

I grew up in Newton. One of the best school systems in the state. I got a tremendous, well rounded liberal arts education in high school. As I look back, one of the few failings of the Newton School System was that no one ever encouraged me to really think about what I wanted to do for a career or have me reflect on how my passions and my talents might converge to allow me to make a living.  We were solidly middle class. My Dad was a high school english teacher and administrator. My mom took a bunch of years of but was a graphic designer. My Dad went to Brown and my mom went to RISD. (That’s where they met.) All my friends parents were doctors, lawyers, therapists, engineers, professors, judges, or the like. All very traditional career paths that involved college and mostly grad school. But I never really thought about how one gets there. I just put my head down and tried to make the best of my high school education, all the while hoping things would get more interesting and relevant in college. They didn’t.  I don’t necessarily have any regrets. I’m happy with my life. But it was a grind to get here. I wonder what life would have been like if I’d done culinary right out of high school. What if I’d learned to be a carpenter and owned my own contracting business. What if I’d been exposed to other white collar jobs that were more specialized. I have a friend in logistics. His job is to get stuff from one place to another all over the county. I think I’d be great at that. But who knew that was a thing?  I don’t expect a high school sophomore to know what they want to do for…

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So, you are wondering why I’m writing a blog post about a ballot question. Fair enough. Here’s why: As an advocate for mental health care and affordable healthcare and medication, this ballot question is extreme important. I would ask that you please read this and consider my points.  First, I come by this information because of my involvement in the Mass General Hospital Patient and Family Advisory Council. I would not have know enough about this question and now that I do, I’m desperate to spread the word. I will attempt to be concise but thorough.  What the deal with Question No. 1? This is a piece of legislation that the MA Nurses Association has been trying to push through the legislature for 20 years. But has had so little support that it has never even gotten out of committee or been sponsored as a bill.  So the went the ballot question route.  Who are the MA Nurses Association? The are the nurses union in MA. Unfortunately the represent less than 1/3 of all nurses. And many of their members are against the ballot question anyway.  Why is this an issue? There are some hospitals, mostly rural hospitals, that are asking their nurses to to too much. In a small number of locations, there is a problem with understaffing of nurses. However, this is not a pervasive problem in MA.  What are some of the details of this bill that make it a problem? These staffing regulations do not take into account day of the week, time of day, needs of a particular floor, the experience level of nurses, or any other real world considerations of staffing.  This law would require implementation over the course of just 37 business days. In some cases MGH spends 6 months “onboarding” new nursing staff.  There is already a…

The topic of what to tell one’s boss about one’s ADHD, if anything at all has come up for me a few times recently. Here’s my two cents. I think it is important to keep colleagues and superiors in the loop. However, I would never suggest doing that as an excuse.  Most of us work in results based professions. Nobody wants to hear excuses about why we can’t do the work, get there on time, produce a mistake free product, or deliver on expectations. That said, I think most of us may deliver in a non-traditional way. I would never excuse lack of results by referring to ones ADHD. But I’m more than happy to explain my methods, needs, and quicks in that same framework.  It is important to be in an organization that isn’t so rigid that there is no room for individuality. As ADHDers we may need to approach our work day differently. We may need to come in early or stay late. We may need to borrow a conference room when the main office area gets to distracting. We may need to stand up in longer meeting to stay focused. We may need to utilize any number of strategies to produce the expected product. A good boss will recognize that we are all individuals and let us get there however is best as long as we get there. Standard Disclaimer:  In an effort to foil my own perfectionist tendencies, I do not edit my posts much… if at all. Please and typos, mistakes, grammatical errors, or awkward phrasing. I focus on getting my content down. An imperfect post completed is better than a perfect post that goes unposted.

My wife is a total rule follower. She is very uncomfortable “coloring outside the lines.” I firmly believe that the rules are, at best, suggestions. I have always felt like a square peg in round hole. Or more accurately, a square peg standing angrily next to a round hole that looks so easy and enticing that I know I will never fit into. Well, I guess I should say that I was at one time angry. Then I decided that I was going to have to buy some tools and make some square holes. (How’s that for taking an analogy too far?) My point is that as ADHDers we don’t fit the mold. But THAT’S OKAY. Give yourself the freedom to experiment, try new things, question assumptions, challenge the conventional wisdom, and break the mold. Not only is that how many of the great innovations of our time have been achieved, but it’s the only way for us to tap into our true potential.  Don’t get me wrong. I’m not encouraging anarchy. But when your environment doesn’t fit you, think about changing your environment. As a small, crazy, and totally irrelevant example… I have been much happier since I decided to own the fact that I don’t like breakfast foods (at least not for breakfast.) I ate this delicious salad for breakfast. Works for me. My biggest challenge is that my son got my ADHD and his mother’s rule following anxiety. I’m trying to teach him how to not follow all the rules… without saying that exact phrase out loud. Parenting is hard. Standard Disclaimer:  In an effort to foil my own perfectionist tendencies, I do not edit my posts much… if at all. Please and typos, mistakes, grammatical errors, or awkward phrasing. I focus on getting my content down. An imperfect…

Quick tip today: I know that I’ve written about using alarms to remember to take pills. The follow up to that is to use the snooze button. Set up an alarm that you can set to go off every day at the same time with a custom tone that will get your attention but not annoy you. And make sure the app has a snooze button. I can tell you from personal experience, if I’m in my office and I turn off my alarm and head to the front hall where my pills are in my bag… random thought, squirrel, butterfly, what am I cooking for dinner, am I picking up my daughter today, what’s next on my To Do List?… a thousand things can distract me before those pills are in my mouth. So, I either let the alarms continue to go off or snooze it for 7 minutes until they are literally in my mouth. Try it!

So, I’ve always seen folks at the gym with their notebooks and pens taking what look like painstakingly detailed notes about their reps and the weight, and God knows what else. I had an complimentary intro session with a trainer at a gym a long, long time ago and he gave me some sort of chart to keep when working out. I hated it.  Recently, a client of mine (who’s a former trainer) expressed to me that she’s really challenged by working out theses days because she doesn’t feel like she has enough of a plan and because it seems overwhelming to create one and stick with it. Thus, she’s been avoiding working out. Total ADHD (& anxiety) response.  I’m sure I do not represent the thoughts and feelings of every ADHDer who works out. I am not a fan of the detailed workout log and hers’s why: I consider my workout part of my mindfulness practice. Particularly when lifting, I like to go into “the zone” and do my routine. I find that enjoyable, believe it or not. Since I have ADHD, transitioning my attention is not my strongest point. Nor is tediously logging details. So, to have to transition after every set or every exercise would break my flow and be considerably less enjoyable.  Plateauing is a real thing. And, we like instant gratification. So seeing that  you haven’t progressed (or, God forbid, have a bad day and regressed a bit,) can be demoralizing. When in actuality, maybe it was mostly a great work out. Sometimes doing what you did last time is a great work out.  It seems unnecessary to me. Lift what you can lift. Do the sets that you can do. And, get what you want to get out of it. I do track my workouts…

One of the major side effects of stimulant therapy is loss of appetite. As an almost 40-year-old, I wish my meds still took away my appetite the way they did when I was a kid. No such luck. But now I’m dealing with the same issue with my nine-year-old. Well, not the exact same issue. He actually eats a lot more than I did at his age. I had to supplement with old-school Ensure protein shakes. The graphic on the bottle makes it look fantastic. I can assure you that in the late eighties it was not. Super disgusting! My guy eats a good breakfast, claims to eat a decent lunch, and eats an enormous dinner. But he’s holding steady in the third percentile of height and weight. So it’s more of a concern with his overall growth. As background, both my wife, my brother-in-law, and myself all grew super late. In my case, I appear to have gotten the short genes in the family. My point is that the pediatrician had us go see the nutritionist about my son’s eating. She was great and gave up lots of options based on our food values. In other words, as a former chef I know a lot about food and we are pretty serious about eating low sugar, healthy, non-processed diets. So the nutritionist gave us lots of options to give him high impact, high energy foods that are also healthy. We’ve added in a cup of 2% milk with dinner and are experimenting with different nut butters and dried fruits so he doesn’t get sick of PB and craisins (which are usually pretty high in refined sugar anyway.) My biggest area of emphasis is his breakfast. He is very much all about white flour and sugar for breakfast. I can…