No system is fool proof, lasts forever, or is devoid of the need for maintenance. I’m sure I’ve referenced my favorite Thomas Jefferson quote on the blog before, “No one axiom can be deemed wise and expedient for all times and circumstances.” I bring it up again because it has relevance on this topic. Just because something worked for 5 years, or 20 years doesn’t mean that it will work forever. Per usual, here’s an example from my life. As I’ve mentioned before, I had some struggles with anxiety and depression over the winter and through the summer. (I’m doing really well now though, thanks for asking!) I know enough about myself to know that when I’m struggling getting exercise is as important as ever. If I can work out every day I feel a sense of accomplishment, even if everything else is a struggle. And, form a physiological standpoint, working our will help my brain chemistry by producing more of the dopamine and serotonin that I need. I’m normally very disciplined about getting my exercise.  That changed as my mood cratered earlier this year. My previous m. o. had been to keep one block free in my client schedule in the middle of the day to take a break and work out. This had been successful for years. But it stopped working. I found that if I got to a certain point in my day I simply couldn’t muster the “motivation” to work out. By the end of the day I would feel the lack of exercise and would feel worse. It took me a little while, but I realized that my system wasn’t working anymore. One of the variables of my life had changed and I needed to adapt.  I realized that I felt the best right after getting out of the shower in the morning. I…

It has been my experience that as ADHDers we can see the potential in so many situation and in so many items. We don’t see a toilet paper roll. We see an art project. This is at once one of our greatest strengths and one of our most present challenges. What I have found is that we often ignore the process that will get to our desired end result in favor of focusing on the pleasing idea of the result. We will often get lost in all the wonderful possibilities and not actually follow through on many or any of them.  I find it helpful to help my clients refocus on the process. Because if we are not interested in engaging in the process, we will never achieve the end result. Here are two examples from my life. I have always been an athlete. Sports have been my “happy place” since I was 3 years old. And, one of the reasons that I’m very good is that I love the practice as much as the games. I love doing drills, honing my skills, and doing the things that it takes to be better. On the other hand, I’ve always wanted to play an instrument. For a long time it was guitar. I bought myself a guitar with my graduation money from culinary school. I took some lessons… and flamed out. I just didn’t enjoy practicing. I want to play guitar, but not enough to actually practice.  This really illustrates my point, but also the idea that if we are not interested, our brains don’t set us up for success at pushing though the boring part. There has to be an intrinsic desire for the process or the end result has to be so powerful that it pushes us to get through the…

I recently received this email from a colleague, Joe Moldover. Joe is a great resource. If either of these topics piques your interest, I would consider attending. First, on Wednesday October 7 from 7:15 to 8:45 I will  be speaking on the topic of Nonverbal Learning Disability, Asperger’s Syndrome, and High Functioning Autism: Why the Confusion? This will be hosted at the Academy Metrowest in Natick. It is free of charge. RSVP to the Academy at 508 655 9200 or info@academymetrowest.com. Then, on Tuesday October 27 from 7-9 PM I am excited to be joined by Attorney Dan Heffernan and Dr. Scott McLeod for a free online webinar: Educating the Whole Child: Advocating and Caring for Students with Social/Emotional Disabilities. We had two very successful webinars last year; if you missed them they are posted online at www.drmoldover.com. One of the nice aspects of these events is that they are held live, and you will be able to submit questions and comments for Dan, Scott and I from the comfort of your home!

I’ve tried to apply the micro lesson learned on the roads of Boston to the macro of the rest of my life. I have impossibly high standards for myself. I’ve learned to mellow out on my self criticism over the years to my great benefit. I tend to still be pretty demanding of the world around me and the people in it. I can get frustrated/angry by little things that people do that I can perceive as rude or oblivious. For example, it drives me crazy when other kids are rude, pushy, or territorial at the playground. My kids are on the small size and my oldest is particularly conflict averse. He’ll just walk away and be sad rather than stand up for himself. But, in the grand scheme that’s a good thing. Anyway, when he was younger, I would get so angry at the parents who let their kids run wild and assumed that they were lazy or bad parents and that the kids were just undisciplined bad kids.  Five years later as my youngest is just playground age, I’m in a different place… most of the time. I think much of my progress has to do with my current profession. Rather than assuming “that kid” is just a jerk with bad parents, I’m much more likely to think that he/she must have some issue. Maybe Mom and/or Dad are great parents dealing with a challenging situation and a challenging child. This compassionate approach that is defined by empathy instead of anger was difficult to cultivate, for me at least. But it is a much more adaptive way to to go through life. Even if they are bad parents and the kid is an out of control spawn of satan… it doesn’t do me any good to think/assume that. There’s nothing I can do about it. That anger…

As part of the curriculum at coaching school we practiced coaching each other while supervised by our instructors. I found it to be the best part of my education there. ADDCA. Mostly I got a lot out of when I was coaching. But I remember one particular time that I got a lot out of being the volunteer client. I was being coached by a classmate who was German. Her name was Cordula. (Sp?) I was having trouble thinking about what to talk about. I didn’t want to bring up anything super deep or potentially time consuming. All I could think of was talking about how I get angry when behind the wheel. I am a very good drive. I happen to be gifted when it comes to spacial relationships. And I don’t have a lot of patience for those who are not as adept as I am on the roadways of the Greater Boston area.  Honestly, I didn’t even think there was much to talk about on this topic. But Cordula did a great job pulling out some typical ADHD negative thinking. As it turns out, she helped me realize that I was driving around assuming that everyone was a self-entitled, self-important, asshole. As a result, I was almost looking for other drivers to piss me off and was taking it personally when they did something outrageous. I would let the anger smolder and really upset me. Once Cordula helped me realize this, she proposed other options. Maybe someone in the other car is struggling with ADHD, had a tough day, etc.  The bottom line is that assuming something kind hearted about the person who just cut me off does two things. For one, it allows me to have empathy instead of anger. And, it allows me to move…

So, I know that initiation is probably the hardest part of sticking to a work out routine. And, if you are a regular reader, you know that I’m a huge believer in the power of exercise to help us with our attention. So, I do end up writing a bit on the subject. Well, here’s another one. I’ve been trying to keep track of my workouts and how I feel so I can share any tips and tricks I can. One thing that I’ve noticed is 13 minutes. At 13 minutes I start to feel better. My anxiety lessens, my head clears, my focus ramps up, and I start enjoying the workout if I hadn’t been already. So 13 minutes usually leads to 30 or even 40 -50 minutes.  So, I ask you this, person who has trouble getting the couch: can you do something for 13 minutes that will make you feel better? I think you can. Worst case scenario: you work out for 13 minutes a day!

At our last CHADD parents support group meeting of the year in June a family had a very strong positive recommendation for an educational advocate down in Attleboro. I have had no personal interaction, but the recommendation from the parent was strong enough that I thought I should post the name. I know how hard it is to find good advocates. Chris Atwood ckatwood52@comcast.net (508) 414-3380

I can’t remember if I posted on this already, but it is still on my list of things I want to blog about, so I guess not… I usually take the kids in the morning on Saturday and let my wife sleep. I take the kids food shopping to two or three different stores. It takes up to three hours, depending on everyone’s behavior and number of emergency trips to the bathroom. It is boring and tedious for all of us. The funny thing is that it goes better when I work out first. When I get up early enough to get 30 minutes on the spin bike before we go shopping, everything goes better. The kids have better behavior, it usually goes quicker, and I’m not as drained afterwards. This is not a small sample size either. My oldest is 6. This phenomenon has been shown to be true for years. When I’m centered and producing all the neurochemicals I need, when I’ve gotten exercise, and am able to “reset” by going to my meditative exercise place, my mood and attention are so demonstrably better that it effects those around me. Pretty powerful to know about one’s self. I bet I’m not alone.

One of my first experiences in learning the power of positive energy happened when I was a senior in high school. I played many sports as a kid, but settled on ultimate frisbee by my sophomore/junior year in high school. (Google it if you haven’t heard of it. It is a legitimate athletic endeavor.) I was a captain that year of a team that was one of the 3 or 4 best teams on the east coast.  In our last tournament of the season at Columbia HS in NJ, we were playing the host team. They were great kids, wonderful hosts, and good players. But they were not our equals. We had a real chance to win this tournament, which we couldn’t achieve if we lost to Columbia HS. (For the record, I may not get all the details exactly right. It has been almost 20 years. But I think you’ll get the gist of it.)  The game was to 15. We were playing horribly. As we feel further behind I got very frustrated at our lack of intensity, simple mistakes, and general poor play. I reacted with anger, outward frustration and negativity. Needless to say, that was not an effective motivational tactic for my teammates. Eventually we were down 10 – 5. It was not looking good. One of my coaches pulled me from the game at sat down with me away from the rest of the team. He calmed me down and pointed out that my attitude was affecting the team negatively and was perpetuating the poor play. I wasn’t sure I bought it, but I trusted my coach and was smart enough to know that what I was doing wasn’t working. So, I flipped a switch when I went back after Columbia scored again to make it 5 – 11. I was…

Some background on my Aunt Judy. She was a tough lady. She was a buyer, mostly paper goods, for super market chains and distribution companies. It was almost exclusively a men’s world, but that didn’t bother her. And, she always drove a sports car, just like the guys. I think this story comes through my Dad. But it illustrates a wonderful point, and a point that is particularly important to many of us ADHDers. My Aunt once applied for a job. As I recall it was a big position at a well known company. She felt she had a great interview, but then didn’t hear anything for several days. Based on the interview she was expecting to be contacted. But, still nothing. Being that she was a real go-getter, she didn’t wait too long. After a week she followed up with a phone call to the guy who had interviewed her. I honestly don’t remember if the job ended up working out or not. But that’s not the point. When she followed up, she learned that this company did not call applicants back after their interviews, no matter how well the interview went. They would only hire people who wanted the job bad enough to follow up.  Obviously, not every situation is quite the mind bleep that that one was. But it still illustrates a great point. Following up shows initiative, desire, interest, a positive outlook, and perseverance. It could be the thing that sets you apart from the field and get you the job. It can also be a valuable learning experience. If you find out that you finished second, at least you know you are barking of the right tree, and your follow up could lead to opportunities with that company in the future. If you didn’t fare so well, a brief…

My last client ends at 5:20 many days. That gives me 10 minutes to get out of the house and pick up my son. His baseball practices are at 6pm. My frisbee games are at 6:30. If I have to pick up both kids, it can be an hour round trip. All of this makes me crazy… and then I get used to being crazy. I had a chance last week to not have an evening commitment, not have to pick up my daughter, and I didn’t have a late client. I worked hard until about 5 and then I sat in a lawn chair in my garden, took some deep breaths, and relaxed. I found that I was a much more effective parent that night.  Obviously, we can’t always have that time. But, I suggest finding it where you can, even if it’s sitting in your car by yourself in silence before you go in to pick up the kids. I think it makes a difference.

Well, I’m on the mend. I’m on Wellbutrin now. So far no side effects. Feeling better mood wise. Not doing much for the anxiety though. But there have been moments when I felt really happy and energetic. That’s cool. Can’t say it has affected my attention… I don’t think. Having never been on this before I’m happy to have the opportunity to share with everyone my personal experience with it. Stay tuned! (Plus non-depression based post coming soon!)