It is almost impossible to not internalize much of the negativity that the world throws at those of us with ADHD. One of the best things you can do for yourself is change your language. Change the way you frame yourself and your struggles. I have so many clients who have been gaslighted by the world or even their doctors into thinking that all their struggles are personal failings. As such, they default to framing their struggles as problems with their “motivation,” “discipline,” “work ethic,” etc.
I can’t speak for you. But if you are reading this, you are probably an intelligent person and a sophisticated consumer of ADHD information. So I’m going to assume that you are like my coaching clients. You are probably of above average intelligence. You probably want (maybe desperately) to make progress in your life. You probably spend a lot of time thinking about how to be “better at life.” You are probably acutely aware of most of your weaknesses. And, you are probably working way harder than you think, way harder than you give yourself credit for, and way harder than your neurotypical counterparts… to still feel less successful.
People like that are not unmotivated. You are not undisciplined. You are not broken. You have a barrier. That barrier is the invisible barrier of ADHD. Owning that fact and moving away from blaming yourself and beating yourself up can start to change your life. Don’t allow your inner voice to tell you that you, “can’t seem to motivate to change.” Instead, notice that you want to change and want to do the work to change but your ADHD is getting in the way. Realize that you may be physically and intellectually capable of doing a thing, but if you are not “attentionally” capable of doing that thing, you are just as limited in that moment.
Of course, this doesn’t absolve us of any responsibility. But put your energy in to managing your ADHD, creating adaptive systems, surrounding yourself with people who understand, love, and support you, and advocate for quality care. The bottom line is that I have met precious few people who don’t want to be successful. Almost always, when we aren’t successful there is a reason. So, try asking yourself, “if I am a smart, capable, motivated person, what is getting in the way of my behaviors show those parts of me?” Changing how you think and talk about yourself is often the first step to changing your results.
Standard disclaimer: When posting my thoughts here, I feel that content is far more important than perfection. I try to practice what I preach that ‘done’ is better than ‘not done…perfectly.’ So, unlike with my book, I don’t edit much, if at all. I hope you can look past any small imperfections and find the content useful.