(Always Grinding? Post continued…) I have always talked about the importance of not just working. Even if you really, really enjoy your work, it’s not healthy to hyper-focus on just one aspect of your life. That was another reason that my restaurant career burnt me out. It didn’t allow for the time to keep my life well rounded. I wasn’t able to have the social life I wanted and needed. I didn’t have the intellectual stimulation that I craved. Nor did I have the athletic and competitive outlets that are important to me. When I left cooking I was able to start playing Ultimate Frisbee again and get back into shape over a course of years. I was able to see my wife more and we often have friends over for dinner as a social outlet. Then my business got busier and child no. 2 came along. And, I fell back into a pattern of always “grinding.” Work, family, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Even my hobbies became burdens. I have a huge garden that just felt like a chore this spring and brought me tons of stress. I would tell myself that I would work my ass off Monday through Thursday and then do “nothing” on Friday. And, I would either still work all day on Friday or get to Friday and still be so revved up from the week that couldn’t enjoy any down time. At that point I realized that something had to change. But what was that something? Turns out it was more than one thing. One of my first epiphanies was that I don’t actually like to do “nothing.” I usually require more stimulation than that. So I was setting myself up for failing at relaxing when I was assuming that relaxation meant doing nothing. I…

So, I’ve obviously taken much of the summer off from posting. But, I’m hoping to post on a more regular schedule this fall, perhaps once a week… We’ll see. To get back into the swing of things I’d like to share what I focused on this summer. I really tried to learn how to relax. That probably seems like a strange thing to work on, but it’s what I needed. I grew up in Newton MA, a nice Boston suburb. Newton has excellent schools and a pretty intense academic environment. I pushed myself to take advanced classes and do well in them. With my level of attentional challenges and the fact that I’m not the fastest reader, this meant working very, very hard. Not that other kids, even the neuro-typical ones, don’t work hard. But what it meant for me was that I felt like I was always “grinding.” I took my sciences during the summer. No camp for me. I spent most of my vacations catching up on writing papers, except for the years that the stress of getting to the break left me super sick for my week “off.” Also, in typical ADHD fashion, even when I wasn’t working, I was stressed about what I wasn’t doing. I took this mindset into an harsh, demanding, and unforgiving career as a professional chef. If you’re not “grinding” in the kitchen, you’re not going to get anywhere. For much of my restaurant career 14 or even 16 hour days were not unheard of. Not surprisingly, I ended up totally burnt out. So I started my own business. More “grinding.” There is always more to do when you work for yourself, especially when you are building that business. I don’t say the following to toot my own horn. I build a…

I have a client who has been struggling for some time, not just with ADHD but with pretty severe depression and anxiety. Despite being in a difficult place, he was fighting to get better. He had sought out a large local medical group. (I won’t name them.) Just to make an intake appointment he had to fill out an informational packet that was I don’t know how many pages thick and took him over two hours to complete.  I find this disturbing. Make a young man who is struggling jump though such hoops just to have the option to access care is unconscionable and embarrassing. He was able to use my as a resource to help him complete the paperwork. But imagine how many people just get overwhelmed by the packet, don’t fill it out, and consequently don’t get the help they need. Ultimately, this medical establishment continually cancelled his new patient appointments to a point that was also unprofessional and embarrassing. Ultimately they strung him along for months and then didn’t deliver the care he needed. At this point, there were concerns about his safety. And, I was unable to speak to his primary care physician who also practiced at the same location. I was told by a surly nurse that I was only allowed to get a message to the doctor, not speak to her or even leave a voicemail. And, she wouldn’t even do that because she couldn’t find my client in the computer. (Because he didn’t use his full name with me.) Ultimately, I figured out what name to use and a message went… somewhere. And, the client got a vague and ham-handed reach out by some underling. The physician never contacted me to address the concerns or find out what information I had to offer. Nor did she ever contact the client, her patient, directly. Deplorable! And, sadly this is the direction that much…

Great article a client forwarded to me.  I disagree slightly that this is a burden born solely by the women of your society. I feel much of it acutely myself. But the premise and the observations about our society are spot on, in my opinion.

Recently saw an amazing documentary on bipolar disorder on PBS. I won’t go into to much detail, as I think everyone who has any diagnosis or takes any meds should watch it. But it did give me a new insight into mania. One of my favorite movies when I was younger was the black and white Darren Aronofsky film from the mid/late 90’s. I watched it again for the first time in years shortly after watching Ride the Tiger. It is still a great film, but has a very different feeling if you consider the possibility that at is about a mentally ill guy having a manic episode… Either way, you should check it out if you haven’t.

I’m continually amazed at how many people fight the idea of medication so heartily. I’m also amazed at how many of these same folks will think nothing of spending a fortune on supplements, self medicate with copious amounts of caffeine, alcohol, or weed.  Check this program on supplements out. Might make you rethink what’s the “healthy” option..

Everything I do for organization myself and what I teach my clients is based on one very simple principle: Make it easier! Any structure that is complicated and cumbersome is not going work. It has to be simple, easy to follow, and yield tangible results. As I’ve worked to simplify things in my life I’ve always had two voices in my head from my days as a chef. I started my fine dining career at Il Capriccio in Waltham. (Still a great restaurant. Get there if you are local and haven’t been.) Rich Baron is the chef and co-owner. He’s a great guy and a talented chef. I started there on garde manger (salads and apps) when I was on externship from culinary school. He wanted me to stay. I wanted to go back and finish school. We struck a wonderful compromise that I would stay for a year. I owe him a lot for that opportunity, for his seeing something in me, and for many other things. Anyway, when I moved from garde manger to the “hot line” when I decide to stay for the year, Richie pulled me aside before my first night on the grill and and said, “Kid, we get good ingredients. Don’t fuck them up.”  As glib as that advice/guidance may seem, it gets to the heart of why I devoted my culinary career to authentic Italian food. All the technique in the world can’t compensate for inadequate raw materials. And, when your starting point is great raw materials, you don’t have to work so hard to make them shine. The other voice in my head is that of Adam Halberg, the Chef d’ Cuisine at Via Matter when I was a cook then Sous Chef there. Again, I owe him a lot. He, Richie, and Carmel Quagliata were my three most…

So, the last few years I’ve worked like a madman to build my business particularly over the school year. And, about this time of year the last three or so years I have hit a wall. The first year I was actually freaking out and thought there might be something wrong with my medication. Not so. It was/is just my yearly cycle apparently.  So, this year, when I hit a wall about a week ago when I stopped wanting to do anything at all, I was more prepared and less freaked out. Maybe it’s the anti-depressant, maybe it’s the work I’ve done with my coach and on my own, maybe it’s that I’ve achieved a higher level of consciousness?  The bottom line is that I’m accepting it this year. I’m more relaxed and willing to take the break my body needs. Somehow I always gear up again when I need to and seem to make it through. So why stress about it. I’ve enjoyed today spending more time on the porch and in the garden. And, I look forward to more of that in the coming weeks. All the really important stuff is getting done. Everything else can wait until I’m “feeling it” again. Happy Summer! Standard disclaimer: I don’t edit much if at all. This is a deal I have made with myself. It keeps me from being frozen in the metaphorical carbonite of perfectionism or falling into the “Sarlacc” of avoidance behavior. A new post done is always better than a perfect post undone.

I won’t go into the thing that happened today that shook me a bit. But I was left a bit off kilter in the middle of my day. I knew that I wasn’t going to get anything done if I stayed in my office with that unsettled feeling. So, I went to get an Italian sub at Tino’s. While I was there I stopped in at Esprit de Vin and had a lovely chat with the proprietor and picked up a bottle of a cool orange liqueur that he gets from a special producer in Sicily. (And, no, I didn’t sample the bottle at noon.) But simply going out and being with people and having a friendly interaction and getting a cheap lunch reset me. Sounds worth it to me. When I got home, I was relatively productive then had the discipline to get in a quick workout before I had to take my son to his Dr.s appointment. And, I’m relaxed and productive right now in the waiting room. I’d say my Reset Button worked. Makes me wonder why I don’t grab a $5 sandwich more often… Looks like I should start taking my own advice. Standard disclaimer: I don’t edit much if at all. This is a deal I have made with myself. It keeps me from being frozen in the metaphorical carbonite of perfectionism or falling into the “Sarlacc” of avoidance behavior. A new post done is always better than a perfect post undone.

I was Skyping with a client today and something came out of my mouth that I’ve never said before that stopped us both mid conversation. “A pile is not a system.” I think I’m going to trade mark that. It seems to be a concise distillation of something I’ve teaching for years. At least in terms of paperwork, a system has to involve sorting, categorizing, labeling, an aspect of space efficiency, and a common sense (for the ADHD brain) approach for access the information contained therein. The additional step we need as ADHDers is that they system needs to be super easy, have very few steps, be convenient… or we won’t use it. In that sense. I file cabinet can be even more of a disaster than the piles on your desk. More on this in the future posts. Standard disclaimer: I don’t edit much if at all. This is a deal I have made with myself. It keeps me from being frozen in the metaphorical carbonite of perfectionism or falling into the “Sarlacc” of avoidance behavior. A new post done is always better than a perfect post undone.

I had a good day on today. One meeting 8 client hours, a quick break for a workout. A long day, but a good day. My last client that day is my youngest current client by a few years. She is a great kid. But, in my opinion, she’s somewhat in denial about her ADHD and how much of an issue. This has historically led to less than stellar medication adherence. We’ve been slowly but surely making progress in that area. But, there was still a wall there. It took me really challenging her about her less than successful behavior patterns for her to break down and really admit how hard it was for her to pay attention, even on the meds. y hope is that that emotion was a watershed. Now we’re talking about the real issue. Because there has been real pain under there all along that she’s been avoiding. Now that it’s out in the open, we can address it. And, I’m so proud of this girl for letting me challenge her, for opening up, for allowing difficult emotions to come out, and for her honesty. I pushed. But she responded. I’m glad I pushed the right way at the right time. And, again, I’m so proud of how she responded. I so optimistic for her going forward with the courage she’s demonstrating. Standard disclaimer: I don’t edit much if at all. This is a deal I have made with myself. It keeps me from being frozen in the metaphorical carbonite of perfectionism or falling into the “Sarlacc” of avoidance behavior. A new post done is always better than a perfect post undone.

… at least I hope they’re deep… I’ve been feeling more philosophical lately. Which I think is a good thing. My tendency is to try to manage life by nailing everything down tight. And, that works to an extent. I’ve made a career out of teaching other people to get their “shit together.” And, I’m not saying that my intention is to get away from that. But there are things that are out of our control, can’t be answered right away, require experience to be quantified, or may simply be beyond our understanding or our control. I’m not even sure how to articulate what I’m trying to say here. I just feel like there is an important piece of life experience that I’m trying to teach myself even more than I’m trying to impart to anyone who might be reading this. I guess it’s that knowing what to let go of really does give you more control in a counterintuitive way. Letting go of what I can’t change or can’t control lets me control my mood by not being in a constant and epic battle to fight against an unwindable enemy. I hope this isn’t to weird or esoteric to be helpful to at least one person… I guess the challenge is to balance the need for structure and control that comes with having ADHD with the anxiety that it can produce to try to be in control of everything all the time… Standard disclaimer: I don’t edit much if at all. This is a deal I have made with myself. It keeps me from being frozen in the metaphorical carbonite of perfectionism or falling into the “Sarlacc” of avoidance behavior. A new post done is always better than a perfect post undone.