So, If you are one of the six people who have read my blog, you are probably familiar with my standard disclaimer.  It is essentially this: In an effort to avoid my own ADHD perfectionist tendencies, I choose not to edit, proofread, reread, obsess, ruminate,  hyperfocus, and generally get all mental about these posts.  I generally ask for forgiveness for typos, misspellings that spell check misses and the occasional gramatical mistake. My incredibly helpful father (a former high school English teacher) and my helpful and very “detail oriented” mother (who used to be in publishing) have encouraged me to have someone edit my postings.  I think they are worried that these posts will “be out there forever” and that it will reflect poorly on me to allow such small mistakes to exist.  (By the way, they will both be reading this… how else would I have six whole people reading my blog?) If and how I edit my blog is a really fundamental question.  Perfectionism is a serious issue that most of us ADHD’ers deal with on a daily basis.  We often drive ourselves and those around us crazy by obsessing over at best semi-important details in an unrealistic and unproductive pursuit of some kind of perfection.  (Perhaps I’ll do a whole entry on that soon.) My fear when I started this blog was that I wouldn’t have the follow through to post regularly.  I didn’t want to post unimportant things just to be blogging.  I truly want this to be a forum for what I have learned and what I continue to learn on a daily basis about how to manage life with ADHD.  I made a conscious decision to post my disclaimer and just hammer out my thoughts, because I knew the biggest enemy of my follow through was perfectionism. The whole idea…

I was reading some poems to my 3 1/2 year old last night.  I thought we could all benefit from this one. WOULDA-COULDA-SHOULDA All the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas/  Layin’ in the sun./  Talkin’ ’bout the things/  They woulda-coulda-shoulda done…/  But those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas/  All ran away and hid/  From one little did. Shel Siverstein’s Falling Up

I recently met Jaclyn at an ADHD awareness event.  I liked what her organization had to offer.  You decide.  Check it out! “Super Soccer Stars Shine is a unique program that uses soccer as a vehicle to teach life skills to individuals with developmental disabilities.  Our innovative curriculum, designed by licensed educators and therapists, promotes the complete growth and development of each player.  Our low player-to-coach ratios encourage and empower players to increase social potential with teammates, build self-awareness and confidence, and advance gross and fine motor skills — all while having a blast! Our program utilizes a developmentally appropriate curriculum created exclusively for individuals with developmental and intellectual disabilities including, but not limited to, Autism Spectrum Disorders, Down’s Syndrome, ADHD and PDD-NOS.  The curriculum is tailored to continuously support the individual needs of each player.  Classes focus on simplifying soccer into specific components while teammates work together to build new skills in a fun, non-competitive and educational environment.  Each class follows a structured sequence of entertaining and engaging individual and team-based activities.   Our specially trained coaches use specific tools and techniques including picture schedules, positive reinforcement and repetition to reinforce communication, aid in transition and increase task completion.   For more information, please contact Jaclyn Grant, Operations and Special Needs Coordinator, by phone (781-777-7171) or e-mail (bostonshine@supersoccerstars.com).  We look forward to speaking with you!”

I consider low self-esteem an epidemic amongst ADHD’ers. This doesn’t surprise me at all. Much of life, particularly the traditional educational system, is structured in a way that makes us feel like failures on a day-to-day basis. It doesn’t matter how strong a person you are at your core, repeated “failures” day after day is soul crushing. So, after years of perceived failure, how do we start to rebuild our self-worth? Or, for parents of younger kids, how can we avoid the poor self-esteem trap to beging with? The answer is simple. Success. Increasingly we live in a society of false success. Everyone gets a trophy for participating, but what does that trophy mean? Not much, if you ask me. Kids are smart enough to know when you are blowing smoke at them. They know that that trophy at the end of a season where they hit .086 doesn’t mean they were a success at baseball. But somehow we think that if we give them a trophy and take them out for ice cream they will think they are David Ortiz. I just doesn’t work that way. There is no substitute for real success. Help you children find real success, by helping them find what they are really good at and really passionate about. Support them in whatever that is… as long as it is constructive, not just video games. Is it sports? Music? Chess? Art? Reading or writing? Helping with younger kids? Martial arts? Volunteering? Let them follow their passions and abilities. (I have not yet met an ADHD child or adult who didn’t have some particular gift, though often that gift is unexplored, or undervalued.) That gift, that passion will lead to success, and that success will lead to self-esteem. The best part is that the new found…

My Standard Disclaimer: In order to outsmart my own perfectionist tendencies and actually make blog entries that I don’t obsess about, I promise not to edit this post [much]. So please forgive any mistakes. It may not be done perfectly, but IT IS DONE, and I’m good with that! So, as of last week I am officially an ACC. (That is another certification. It means that I’m an Associate Certified Coach by the International Coaching Federation.) Very exciting, yes. But, that isn’t why I am writing about it. I’m proud of my accomplishment, but not in the way you might think. Yes, I’ve met the minimum qualifications to be certified. But, I have confidence in my coaching ability anyway. I’m far more proud of what I think about my coaching ability. Bottom line: this certification is much more a testament to my ability to initiate, follow through, and “play the game.” In that sense it really reminds me of school. The details of the 8 month ordeal which lead to this certification (for which I had completed the requirements 8 months ago) are not so important. The important thing is that my ability to coach was far less important in this instance that was my ability to fill out forms, make phone calls, write letters/emails, put dates on my calendar to follow up, find correct documentation, follow directions, not get too angry, follow a new set of directions, fill out more forms, etc, etc, etc… The point is that this was a battle that I decided was worth fighting. The end result was a certification that is really good for me, my business, and my career. But, if I hadn’t have waded through nearly 3/4 of a year of bureaucracy would that make me less of a coach? No. It…

So, at nine o’clock tonight my Concerta is running out for the day. I’ve gotten the little man to bed. I’m tired but not quite ready for bed myself. I want to get more work done. I know that the only way I’m going to get anything done is to take a bit more Ritalin, and wait for it to kick in. This sort of planning is second nature for me. I have been taking medication to concentrate for 24 years, since I was ten. It is my life. But for some reason it struck me as odd tonight. If I look at it from an objective standpoint, it is pretty weird that I take pills to make me concentrate, that I can’t just muster another hour of getting-it-doneness by myself. I have to plan, take meds, wait, and hope I’m not too tired by then. I also have to look at concentration in 4, 6, and 10 hour blocks. Again, that is the way it has always been. It isn’t a problem. But, as I look at my life from the outside, it gives me some insight in to how a kid who is new to all of this would see it with fresh eyes. It might be scary, confusing, and seem limiting. It might seem like having to take pills makes you out of control. The irony is, that if you can just open your mind to the possibilites, it actually gives you more control. Take it when you need it. Take only as much as you need. Be a team with your doctor, family, coach and whomever else. Get the medication right and it gives you power—the power to be the you that you want to be, the best you possible. Of course you have to work…

So… I just spent 20+ minutes typing a lengthy blog entry about getting my ACC and what it taught me about perseverance and attention to detail. Then I pressed the “pop out” button on my WordPress page and the whole thing disappeared It was awesome. Now is the time for me to remind myself that “It does not serve me to be angry!” There is nothing I can do about it. So, I’m going to go work my stress out by riding the bike now. More about what I learned from getting my ACC later… I hope.

NOTE: To avoid my own perfectionist tendencies and actually write my blog I pledge to you that I will not edit this… (much.) So, please excuse me if this is not done perfectly. But, IT IS DONE! And I’m okay with that. Lest anyone think that I purport to be perfect or have everything figured out… I had a fabulous ADHD moment last week. I’ve been having a very busy few weeks, with old clients, new clients, teaching, speaking, and special events, not to mention the rest of life! Well, in the midst of this I found myself getting anxious, wound-up, and started “spinning.” The result was that I scheduled a consultation with a potential new client whom I had met at an event, without really looking closely enough at my calendar, and I double booked her. Of course we all make mistakes. So I called her right back and rescheduled for a different time that day. [Here’s where it gets good.] But, I still didn’t take a deep breath, slow down, and really look at my calendar… and I double booked her again! Of course I felt like a total idiot. Hard to portray a professional image as an ADHD coach and professional organizer when you can’t keep your schedule straight! But, this is where I had a positive reaction to my ADHD moment. I felt embarrassed and thought that it would be better to not call her back right away. Maybe if I put it off, I wouldn’t seem so incompetent Changing appointment times twice in a half hour felt mortifying. Luckily for me, this is when I finally did take a deep breath and really looked at the situation. I realized that the best answer was to own up to my mistake as soon as possible. Give…

Hi. I’m Matt. I’m the founder and owner of The In Place. I’m a certified ADHD coach and a professional organizer … among other things. The title is a “What About Bob” reference, in case you were wondering. I am starting this blog to keep “my people” up to date on what’s going with my business and what’s going on in that frightening space between my ears! Sometime I have a great insight about coaching or ADHD while with a client that I think is worth sharing with everyone. This is where I plan to do that. So, please keep checking back for what I hope are many informative, interesting, funny, genuine, timely, educational, and occasionally silly posts. Thanks!