My Blog: ADHD Since 1978-

adhd, context & mindfulness continued

so do I mean by context? When my clients struggle with the anxiety of looking at their to-do list I always remind them that the things that they have to do exist in an objective reality. And their best chance of getting them done quickly, efficiently, effectively is to capture them on the list and utilize the list to manage and plan how to get them done. I 100% stand by that statement. But that statement doesn’t tell 100% of the truth. Because context is everything. I learned a lot of big lessons from the pandemic. I know I’ve written a lot about understanding the difference between being in thrive mode and survive mode. And of course, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t point out that there’s a vast field of gray area in between those two extremes. And, frankly, whether we’re thriving or surviving can be a day-to-day or week to week situation. And there are a lot of different factors that go into our capabilities. Everyone has a certain number of hours in the day. But as people with adhd, we also have to be acutely aware of the number of hours of attention we have during the day, or what I might call our bandwidth. And many of us battle depression and anxiety. Both of those things limit your resources. And that’s just internal stuff. There are plenty of external things that are out of our control that can affect the resources we have available to be productive and efficient. and this is where the context connects to the mindfulness. We have to look at our to-do list for our calendar or whatever way we plan our time through the lens of looking at ourself. Because I always write from the heart and from…

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more on ADHD and a new way to think about mindfulness

hopefully you’re picking this up from last week and didn’t throw your phone or computer out the window when I left you with that cliffhanger. but to pick up where I left off, the mindfulness is about noticing to notice. I’m a big fan of external reminders. I love alarms, audible calendar reminders, interval timers, checklists taped to the wall, visual cues, and linked behaviors. All of that stuff is great. But the question is how do you remember to remember. And I don’t know if there is a good answer to that in a very practical sense. But in a more meta sense, I think it’s about cultivating your presence in the moment. So when you’re looking at your to-do list, you’re not just looking at a bunch of things. You’re assessing them. And you’re assessing how you’re assessing. I hope that last bit didn’t make your head explode. It sounds like a lot of work assessing your assessing. No value judgment here. It might be a lot of work. Until it becomes natural. I happen to be a pretty self-aware and introspective guy. I’ve also been a professional coach for 12 years. And I worked with a couple of therapists and a coach over the years. I think that leaves me in a pretty mindful space a lot of the time. Of course, managing my ADHD both pharmacologically and behaviorally is also a key component in me physically, neurobiologically being able to be present in the moment. but let’s think about that to-do list for a I’ve always talked to my clients about interacting with their to-do list. And I’m not sure until now I even fully knew what I meant when I said interacting with. The to-do list, which by the way I am still working on…

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ADHD and constant mindfulness

I had a really interesting conversation with a client today. This is probably going to be a little stream of consciousness. So bear with me. But you’re probably used to that if you read me regularly. Also, this is thinking of mindfulness in a different way from what I’ve written about before. You could almost replace the term mindfulness with presence in the moment. so let’s start thinking about mindfulness. When we talk about mindfulness these days, I think most of us think about it in terms of a “practice” of mindfulness. As in meditation, or a gratitude journal, or some other structured thing that we take time out of our day to do to get ourselves in a mindful place and thinking mindful thoughts. I’m a big fan. And I’m going to assume that this type of mindfulness contributes and builds towards the type of mindfulness I want to talk about today. as I’ve said many times, this is probably a human being thing. But I’ve only been in ADHD person. So I know it applies to ADHD people. And all my knowledge tells me that it applies more so to us than the average human. I think the goal is to be mindful throughout our day. I think we need to work towards being present in the moment and actively engaged in our life all the time. insane, right? That’s pretty much the antithesis of how we are wired. We spend a lot of time in our head. Thinking could be a good spin on that. Perseverating could be a less Rosy way to look at it. We often spend a lot of time rushing ahead because life is too slow and the current moment might not be super stimulating. I also think we can get in the…

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Stimulation seeking kung fu

One of my favorite parts of my job is when I learned something from one of my clients. That happened today and I wanted to share. I work with a couple who have a super hyperactive elementary school kid who is somewhat oppositional. This kid is smart and he loves to argue. In fact, a mother two ago he paused mid argument with mom to say, “this is fun.” I think that tells you a lot about what’s going on inside this kid’s brain he’s clearly getting a dopamine rush from the argument. So mom had the brilliant idea to feed this part of his personality in a more constructive way that caused less conflict. She started coming up with random topics to “litigate” that weren’t about daily life or functioning. They were just for fun. Like, what are better, dragons or unicorns? It’s unclear if there’s any long-term mitigation of the oppositional behavior. But it certainly not getting worse according to the parents. And it gives them an opportunity to, “celebrate this part of him instead of looking at it as a negative.” It gives him an opportunity to interact about something fun rather than something that is inherently contentious. I think this is absolutely brilliant parenting. I wanted to share the actual technique, but also spotlight brilliant and wonderful this outside the box parenting is. Not that any kid comes with an instruction manual… Wait a minute. They might not come with it. But how many books have been written about parenting? Some good. Some great. Some bad. Some insane. But if you have the wherewithal to filter out the bad stuff, there’s a lot of good information about how to raise healthy, happy kids who will eventually be able to pay their own rent. But for those…

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ADHD life is not fair & balanced

Well, life isn’t a balanced equation for anyone. The effects of that seem to be harder on us based on how we’re wired. Let me explain what I mean. There are some places in life where you get out what you put in in a very linear way. If you’re paid hourly and you work more hours, you make more money. Straightforward, simple, linear. On the other end of the spectrum are things that are almost speculative based on the inconsistency of how much result B comes out of effort A. Let’s say you’re in real estate. I have always thought of real estate as the ultimate hustle. You have to be moving and grooving and putting a lot of effort into the “machine” to get anything out. But what you get out and when you get it and how consistent it is may have very little to do with how much effort you are putting in… sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, you have to put the effort in. But that effort may not pay off for five years. Some of the effort may never pay off. Other times, simple things might pay off big. Of course you have to assess what you’re putting in. Can you be more efficient? Can you be working smarter? Those are things worth assessing. But if you ever think you’re gonna work a 40 hour week in real estate and guarantee that you’re going to close the deal every six weeks like clockwork, good luck with that. And now you were asking yourself how this relates to ADHD. Or maybe you’re really self-aware and you’re not asking. But thanks for reading this anyway. Well, he relates to ADHD because we are wired to be invested in the immediate. Neurobiologically we like instant gratification. Of…

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The Joy of Saving $300 by Being Organized

I feel like I haven’t done many practical tips for organizing “stuff” lately. So here’s one. Call me a nerd, but one of my favorite things is when something breaks that I just bought, I can almost always put my hands on the receipt (real or digital) with in 60 seconds. I have a system of receipt spikes. One for taxes. One for business related stuff. And one for anything that cost enough that I’d return it if it broke. I bought a power washer to clean my vinyl fence this spring when it was on sale at home depot. I think it was $100 on sale from $299. I used it this week and it pooped out after about 20 minutes. I found receipt in a hot minute and found that I had until the 21st to return it. So, I was able to return it and get a replacement at the price I paid. Why does the spike system work? Low hanging fruit. ONE STEP to save the receipt. And then they end up in reverse date order. Easy to find. And they cost, like $1.49. Maybe try it?

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A Schedule Gone Awry

I haven’t written anything about scheduling in a while. Nor have I posted the schedule. One of the reasons is that, after years of writing out schedules, I have internalized many of those skills and don’t often have to make a schedule. I work right off my to do list and achieve the same level of productivity. (By the way, I’m finally back to working on my book about the perfect ADHD to do list. So keep an eye out for that. My goal is to finish it this summer.) I do still make an actual schedule once in a while. Usually it is for a day where I have lots of “free time” but a whole lot to get done. I definitely still make a schedule on Thanksgiving. Otherwise, how would I know what time to start cooking? And I’ve got that down to a science. I don’t think I started cooking this year until 1 o’clock. Not counting the pie. Anyway, this was a similar day. I had a large culinary project to do. My annual double batch of strawberry rhubarb jam, plus an extra batch so I’d have something nice to give to the kids teachers as an end of year thank you. In the past, I have posted schedules that were a perfect 10 where I stuff the landing. And I posted schedules that did not go as planned. The idea is to show you that you can achieve a schedule that is accurate. But I also like to demonstrate that, even though I teach this stuff for a living, I don’t always nail it. So it is with much humbleness that I post this schedule for my jam making day, which went so far off the rails, it’s hard to believe I even made a…

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Think outside the box and reassess

Today’s entry is more of a personal thought. I basically wrote a book right before the pandemic. But it wasn’t quite long enough. It was about 85 pages on how to keep a bad ass to do list, task management for the ADHD brain. It is a topic near and dear to my heart. And I don’t ever write blog posts about it because it’s a system I’ve developed that I consider somewhat proprietary. I only share it with my clients. While I was thinking about what to add to it to beef it up into book length, I got sick in the fall of 2019 and then the pandemic happened. At that point I had an anxious fifth grader into bipolar/dyslexic kindergarten. That went well.As a matter fact things have been a challenge on the homefront since then. You know this if you are a “constant reader.” (A term I have stolen from Stephen King.) Originally, I was completely without resources. I had no time. Had no extra attention or executive function. I had no bandwidth. And my mood was in the toilet. Things have been up and down since. But I never felt like I had the time and the bandwidth to re-tackle this project. Which is a shame. Because writing this book is a lot of what I want to do and work towards in terms of professional fulfillment. I love writing this blog and I get great feedback from the 30 or so of you who get it and read it. Thanks! But got a lot to say. I wanted to get out there.Anyway, I realize at some point that what I had written in 2019 was so old that it would have to be completely scrapped. Also, those were the days of speech to type…

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No system lasts forever

quick follow up to last week. I had this come up with a client a few weeks ago. And I thought it was worth mentioning. Sometimes we think once we put in an organizational system we get to wash our hands of that part of our life and let it go. It has been my experience that that is never the case. Everything requires maintenance. The idea is to set up organizational systems that are super easy to interact with so that things get disorganized less severely and less rapidly. Thus, you will need to interact with that organizational system in terms of upkeep as little as possible. But nothing lasts forever. I think that’s one of the reasons that we struggle so much with things that are constant and repetitive like laundry, male, bills that we can’t put on auto pay, shopping / food prep. I think on some level we get frustrated that these things happen over and over again, which is exhausting. But they still need to get done. So coming up with the system to get them done as efficiently as possible is the way to go. But really, everything in our life exists in that way. Possibly for super neurotypical people who put everything away exactly where it goes all the time life could be like that. But that sounds like both a fantasy and a nightmare to me. I certainly can’t think of a single aspect of my life that doesn’t need maintenance and upkeep. I’ve got to go through the basement once in awhile because things get thrown down there. I’ve got to go through the paperwork in my office once in awhile. Even the linen closet needs a little love once or twice a year. But having good systems so that they…

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Had waste already happened?

the second half of this post is going to be about specific examples. They may or may not be relevant to you. But I bet you’ll be able to relate to it a few of them. Some of them are examples of where waste is already happened. Some of them are examples of where waste is inevitable. Some of them are examples of where you can choose to avoid waste through your behavior. here’s an example of waste that’s not your fault. The world has decided that physical sets of encyclopedia are no longer necessary. If you happen to have one of these dinosaurs in your house, it’s not your fault the internet happened. Get rid of those bad Larry’s. The best you can do is rip off the covers and recycle the insides. Or you can use them for fires in the winter. But keeping them doesn’t mean they don’t have to go at some point. Eventually you will die and someone will have to clean out your house. How about clothes? Well, I think that depends on why you’re getting rid of them. If you’ve got a box of clothes from before you had kids and it is just not physically possible that they will fit anymore, that doesn’t seem like waste. That seems like a thing that just happened. But here’s the funny part. The longer you hold on to them, the more wasteful it is. Why? Think about what you wore 20 years ago. How many people would want to buy that in a second hand store now? Probably not many. Of course, some fashions will circle back especially in the hipster population. But the most bang for your buck in terms of giving things another life and being less wasteful is to donate them to…

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When waste occurs.

my general philosophy is that in order to be successful we have to manage three things our time, our tasks, and our stuff. I started my career as a professional organizer dealing mostly with stuff. As a coach I’m more deal with the other two. And even though I’m not in clients homes helping them organize anymore, the topic does come up quite often. One of the things that many of my clients struggle with is getting rid of things. I’ll probably do a follow-up on why getting rid of things is difficult. But I won’t get into that now. The takeaway that I’d like to give to you today is about the concept of waste. Many of my clients struggle with getting rid of things, throwing things away, because it represents waste to them. But waste does not occur when we get rid of something. Waste occurs when we bring something into our life that we don’t need. Waste occurs when we buy an item of clothing that doesn’t quite fit or isn’t quite right. Waste occurs when we bring things into our lives that are essentially disposable. And sometimes waste occurs that’s not your fault. It’s helpful to realize that once something enters the consumer ecosystem, it exists. At some point it will have to be dealt with at its waste, no matter how durable a good it is. So, ultimately, waste, and minimizing it, it’s about changing behaviors going forward, not lamenting decisions already made. And sometimes it just is what it is. I think I’m going to split this into two posts. I also think I’m going to go back and write the post about why it’s hard to get rid of stuff first and post all three in order.

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One reason ADHD people are prone to clutter

acquiring things is super easy. I furnished my whole first apartment from things in the trash in Newton and from yard sales. I think the entire apartment from furniture to dishes cost about $150. When I talk to my clients about the concept of stimulation seeking, shopping is one of the categories of stimulation seeking. We get a little dopamine hit when we acquire something. And yes, both impulsive and compulsive shopping can be associated with ADHD. But, as I think I mentioned in my post about my infinite possibilities theory, we acquire things through a variety of means, not just by purchasing them. of course, there is no inherent problem with that. The problem lies and how much more difficult it is for us to organize and then eventually get rid of the things we bring into our world. I once made a client laugh and coined a phrase when I said to her, “do you want to live your life or do you want to be the curator of the museum of your own crap?” This question came out of many sessions of her intense difficulty getting rid of things which I would objectively categorize as junk. and that’s no judgment on this client. I want to be clear that I don’t judge anyone who I work with. The point is to illustrate how difficult it is for people to get rid of things once they are acquired. I think there are a couple reasons for this that are directly related to our adhd. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned in the past the idea that we are reluctant to get rid of things because of their potential use. Emphasis on the word potential. There’s this famous ADHD book entitled late lost and unprepared. That tells you a lot…

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