My Blog: ADHD Since 1978-

ADHD life is not fair & balanced

Well, life isn’t a balanced equation for anyone. The effects of that seem to be harder on us based on how we’re wired. Let me explain what I mean. There are some places in life where you get out what you put in in a very linear way. If you’re paid hourly and you work more hours, you make more money. Straightforward, simple, linear. On the other end of the spectrum are things that are almost speculative based on the inconsistency of how much result B comes out of effort A. Let’s say you’re in real estate. I have always thought of real estate as the ultimate hustle. You have to be moving and grooving and putting a lot of effort into the “machine” to get anything out. But what you get out and when you get it and how consistent it is may have very little to do with how much effort you are putting in… sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, you have to put the effort in. But that effort may not pay off for five years. Some of the effort may never pay off. Other times, simple things might pay off big. Of course you have to assess what you’re putting in. Can you be more efficient? Can you be working smarter? Those are things worth assessing. But if you ever think you’re gonna work a 40 hour week in real estate and guarantee that you’re going to close the deal every six weeks like clockwork, good luck with that. And now you were asking yourself how this relates to ADHD. Or maybe you’re really self-aware and you’re not asking. But thanks for reading this anyway. Well, he relates to ADHD because we are wired to be invested in the immediate. Neurobiologically we like instant gratification. Of…

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The Joy of Saving $300 by Being Organized

I feel like I haven’t done many practical tips for organizing “stuff” lately. So here’s one. Call me a nerd, but one of my favorite things is when something breaks that I just bought, I can almost always put my hands on the receipt (real or digital) with in 60 seconds. I have a system of receipt spikes. One for taxes. One for business related stuff. And one for anything that cost enough that I’d return it if it broke. I bought a power washer to clean my vinyl fence this spring when it was on sale at home depot. I think it was $100 on sale from $299. I used it this week and it pooped out after about 20 minutes. I found receipt in a hot minute and found that I had until the 21st to return it. So, I was able to return it and get a replacement at the price I paid. Why does the spike system work? Low hanging fruit. ONE STEP to save the receipt. And then they end up in reverse date order. Easy to find. And they cost, like $1.49. Maybe try it?

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A Schedule Gone Awry

I haven’t written anything about scheduling in a while. Nor have I posted the schedule. One of the reasons is that, after years of writing out schedules, I have internalized many of those skills and don’t often have to make a schedule. I work right off my to do list and achieve the same level of productivity. (By the way, I’m finally back to working on my book about the perfect ADHD to do list. So keep an eye out for that. My goal is to finish it this summer.) I do still make an actual schedule once in a while. Usually it is for a day where I have lots of “free time” but a whole lot to get done. I definitely still make a schedule on Thanksgiving. Otherwise, how would I know what time to start cooking? And I’ve got that down to a science. I don’t think I started cooking this year until 1 o’clock. Not counting the pie. Anyway, this was a similar day. I had a large culinary project to do. My annual double batch of strawberry rhubarb jam, plus an extra batch so I’d have something nice to give to the kids teachers as an end of year thank you. In the past, I have posted schedules that were a perfect 10 where I stuff the landing. And I posted schedules that did not go as planned. The idea is to show you that you can achieve a schedule that is accurate. But I also like to demonstrate that, even though I teach this stuff for a living, I don’t always nail it. So it is with much humbleness that I post this schedule for my jam making day, which went so far off the rails, it’s hard to believe I even made a…

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Think outside the box and reassess

Today’s entry is more of a personal thought. I basically wrote a book right before the pandemic. But it wasn’t quite long enough. It was about 85 pages on how to keep a bad ass to do list, task management for the ADHD brain. It is a topic near and dear to my heart. And I don’t ever write blog posts about it because it’s a system I’ve developed that I consider somewhat proprietary. I only share it with my clients. While I was thinking about what to add to it to beef it up into book length, I got sick in the fall of 2019 and then the pandemic happened. At that point I had an anxious fifth grader into bipolar/dyslexic kindergarten. That went well.As a matter fact things have been a challenge on the homefront since then. You know this if you are a “constant reader.” (A term I have stolen from Stephen King.) Originally, I was completely without resources. I had no time. Had no extra attention or executive function. I had no bandwidth. And my mood was in the toilet. Things have been up and down since. But I never felt like I had the time and the bandwidth to re-tackle this project. Which is a shame. Because writing this book is a lot of what I want to do and work towards in terms of professional fulfillment. I love writing this blog and I get great feedback from the 30 or so of you who get it and read it. Thanks! But got a lot to say. I wanted to get out there.Anyway, I realize at some point that what I had written in 2019 was so old that it would have to be completely scrapped. Also, those were the days of speech to type…

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No system lasts forever

quick follow up to last week. I had this come up with a client a few weeks ago. And I thought it was worth mentioning. Sometimes we think once we put in an organizational system we get to wash our hands of that part of our life and let it go. It has been my experience that that is never the case. Everything requires maintenance. The idea is to set up organizational systems that are super easy to interact with so that things get disorganized less severely and less rapidly. Thus, you will need to interact with that organizational system in terms of upkeep as little as possible. But nothing lasts forever. I think that’s one of the reasons that we struggle so much with things that are constant and repetitive like laundry, male, bills that we can’t put on auto pay, shopping / food prep. I think on some level we get frustrated that these things happen over and over again, which is exhausting. But they still need to get done. So coming up with the system to get them done as efficiently as possible is the way to go. But really, everything in our life exists in that way. Possibly for super neurotypical people who put everything away exactly where it goes all the time life could be like that. But that sounds like both a fantasy and a nightmare to me. I certainly can’t think of a single aspect of my life that doesn’t need maintenance and upkeep. I’ve got to go through the basement once in awhile because things get thrown down there. I’ve got to go through the paperwork in my office once in awhile. Even the linen closet needs a little love once or twice a year. But having good systems so that they…

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Had waste already happened?

the second half of this post is going to be about specific examples. They may or may not be relevant to you. But I bet you’ll be able to relate to it a few of them. Some of them are examples of where waste is already happened. Some of them are examples of where waste is inevitable. Some of them are examples of where you can choose to avoid waste through your behavior. here’s an example of waste that’s not your fault. The world has decided that physical sets of encyclopedia are no longer necessary. If you happen to have one of these dinosaurs in your house, it’s not your fault the internet happened. Get rid of those bad Larry’s. The best you can do is rip off the covers and recycle the insides. Or you can use them for fires in the winter. But keeping them doesn’t mean they don’t have to go at some point. Eventually you will die and someone will have to clean out your house. How about clothes? Well, I think that depends on why you’re getting rid of them. If you’ve got a box of clothes from before you had kids and it is just not physically possible that they will fit anymore, that doesn’t seem like waste. That seems like a thing that just happened. But here’s the funny part. The longer you hold on to them, the more wasteful it is. Why? Think about what you wore 20 years ago. How many people would want to buy that in a second hand store now? Probably not many. Of course, some fashions will circle back especially in the hipster population. But the most bang for your buck in terms of giving things another life and being less wasteful is to donate them to…

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When waste occurs.

my general philosophy is that in order to be successful we have to manage three things our time, our tasks, and our stuff. I started my career as a professional organizer dealing mostly with stuff. As a coach I’m more deal with the other two. And even though I’m not in clients homes helping them organize anymore, the topic does come up quite often. One of the things that many of my clients struggle with is getting rid of things. I’ll probably do a follow-up on why getting rid of things is difficult. But I won’t get into that now. The takeaway that I’d like to give to you today is about the concept of waste. Many of my clients struggle with getting rid of things, throwing things away, because it represents waste to them. But waste does not occur when we get rid of something. Waste occurs when we bring something into our life that we don’t need. Waste occurs when we buy an item of clothing that doesn’t quite fit or isn’t quite right. Waste occurs when we bring things into our lives that are essentially disposable. And sometimes waste occurs that’s not your fault. It’s helpful to realize that once something enters the consumer ecosystem, it exists. At some point it will have to be dealt with at its waste, no matter how durable a good it is. So, ultimately, waste, and minimizing it, it’s about changing behaviors going forward, not lamenting decisions already made. And sometimes it just is what it is. I think I’m going to split this into two posts. I also think I’m going to go back and write the post about why it’s hard to get rid of stuff first and post all three in order.

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One reason ADHD people are prone to clutter

acquiring things is super easy. I furnished my whole first apartment from things in the trash in Newton and from yard sales. I think the entire apartment from furniture to dishes cost about $150. When I talk to my clients about the concept of stimulation seeking, shopping is one of the categories of stimulation seeking. We get a little dopamine hit when we acquire something. And yes, both impulsive and compulsive shopping can be associated with ADHD. But, as I think I mentioned in my post about my infinite possibilities theory, we acquire things through a variety of means, not just by purchasing them. of course, there is no inherent problem with that. The problem lies and how much more difficult it is for us to organize and then eventually get rid of the things we bring into our world. I once made a client laugh and coined a phrase when I said to her, “do you want to live your life or do you want to be the curator of the museum of your own crap?” This question came out of many sessions of her intense difficulty getting rid of things which I would objectively categorize as junk. and that’s no judgment on this client. I want to be clear that I don’t judge anyone who I work with. The point is to illustrate how difficult it is for people to get rid of things once they are acquired. I think there are a couple reasons for this that are directly related to our adhd. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned in the past the idea that we are reluctant to get rid of things because of their potential use. Emphasis on the word potential. There’s this famous ADHD book entitled late lost and unprepared. That tells you a lot…

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The hierarchy of suck.

this is another one of my personal theories about adhd. And it also relates to anxiety. Let’s start with a story about a hypothetical college freshman. This kid hates doing laundry. Why? Duh! Because laundry is boring, requires planning, requires multiple steps, and is far less fun than dancing, playing sports, music, and pretty much everything else. so this kid does everything he can do not to do laundry. He might buy extra underwear. He might turn things inside out. If he’s particularly charming, he might get his girlfriend to do it. But he’s really trying to hold out for the next time he goes home so Mom will do it. And then, midterms. And when confronted with the boring, tedious, anxiety-producing, and not so fun task of studying for midterms, he decides it’s a really good idea to do all his laundry. Why? Because laundry seems more accessible and less scary than studying for midterms. It is no longer the lowest on the hierarchy of suck. I know what you’re thinking. If a bunch of stuff sucks why does it matter which stuff sucks more? Well, the reality is that we are constantly under pressure to get stuff done. The more stuff we need to get done, the longer the list, the more the stress, the more the anxiety. Doing nothing when you’re already reasonably overwhelmed generally doesn’t end up in a good scenario. So, as in most cases in our ADHD lives, we pick the low-hanging fruit. So in this case, the low-hanging fruit is productive. But it’s also a means of avoiding the thing that we need to do the most. The general idea is that we don’t always have to do the thing that is the most important. We can do the thing that’s the most…

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The infinite possibilities theory!

I think I’m going to do a short series of quick entries about adhd-isms that I have developed over the years. Not sure where I’m going with this yet. But I’m pretty sure it’ll be helpful. the infinite possibilities theory is my favorite thing about ADHD people. But it is also one of the things that holds us back the most. As always, it doesn’t apply to everybody. We don’t all present the same way as ADHD people. But there are trends. And this is a pretty strong one under the heading of the average ADHD or is more likely to be creative than the average human. the vast majority of us do not suffer from a lack of ideas. If anything, we are overwhelmed by all of the amazing ideas we have. In fact, that can be paralyzing if executive function and decision making are weaknesses. I always make a joke about the handy guy who sees a broken bike in the trash and says that’s awesome it’s only missing one brake cable three spokes and a gear. I could totally fix that up and have a new bike or sell it on craigslist. Most of my clients smile and identify with this in some way. Your thing might not be the bike. But most of us have a thing or a few things that we get a little dopamine hit from acquiring and a more substantial dopamine hit from the potential Joy of what we can make it into. The problem with having so many great ideas, is that it’s basically impossible to execute all of them. It may not even be possible to execute most of them. I always tell my clients that you may have to endure the pain of letting 97 ideas go in order…

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Getting back on the horse … again!

I know I’ve written this before and recently. But it’s a really good way to get back on the horse, that is talking about getting back on the horse. So if you’re new reader, welcome. This will be brand new if you’re a consistent reader, maybe repetition will be helpful. Or, selfishly, I’m writing this for myself. And there might be a little bit of a different flavor. things have not been great in my world. One of my kids is actually doing a little better. The other is doing significantly worse. A lot of upheaval. A lot of anxiety. A lot of depression. A lot of conflict. And not a lot of additional resources to pursue. Though I will post more on that as we make our way through looking for those resources, in the hopes that we can find them and share with you what we found. Posting here is my main source of marketing. As it keeps me in the top of Google searches. So it’s important. And when I graduate some people, and my client enrollment dips, I am reminded that it is important. But I don’t ever slack off on posting because things are good. And I don’t ever get back into posting because I’m a few clients short of what I’d like. It’s about being consistent. But, there are times that this just isn’t a priority. So really what I’m saying is that there are times where my business isn’t a priority. And that’s a bummer. There’s so much I’d like to be doing. But that’s not the point of this post. even though this is my main source of of marketing, it does feel kind of optional sometimes. When my kids are in crisis almost everything feels optional. I mean, I need to…

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The anxiety Lion.

I’ve been in ADHD coach for about 12 or 13 years. And I had no idea when I started doing this for a living that I would end up talking so much to people about anxiety. Statistics show about 80% of people with ADHD have at least one comorbidity. The most common comorbidity is anxiety I’ve seen it quantified that way many times. And I don’t dispute that anxiety and depression are very closely related. But they are distinctly different. I guess I think of them as something akin to fraternal twins. In my practice anxiety is tremendously prevalent. I would estimate that 90% of my clients struggle with anxiety in one way or another. But often they don’t realize it at first. I like to think I’m getting better at noticing it. But there was a time that it was difficult for me to figure it out as well. It’s quite sinister how many anxiety traits/symptoms overlap with those of adhd. This might end up being a multi-part examination of anxiety. But today, I want to talk about the lion. The lion represents both fear and real danger, a survival situation. It’s important to understand how our brain reacts when confronted by a lion. It is also important to understand how our brain reacts when we start perceiving things as lions that are not lions. Our brains are pretty sophisticated biological machines. But we don’t always have as much control as we think. Generally speaking, a lot of our higher functions, decision-making, human smarts reside in our prefrontal cortex. That’s why we can think about paying you back next Tuesday if you were to buy us a hamburger today. (If you’re too young to get that reference… It just makes me sad.) of course, as ADHD people, we’re not…

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