I don’t know if I”ll end up finishing this post or leaving it up. It is somewhat personal. If you read my stuff, you know that I’m not one to shy away from personal stuff, but this has to do with my kids and I’m not sure how I’ll feel about what I’m about to write once it’s down on “paper.” But I think it is important for us, as parents, to share our pain and vulnerability so we don’t have to suffer alone. So, here goes: I just don’t think the average person/parent has any idea what it is like to parent kids with real issues. It takes a toll on your mood, your sleep, your attention, your weight, your social life, your pocketbook, and your family unit. I’m not even sure where I’m going with this. It is more stream of consciousness than anything. But I am a life coach. I am good at that, because there are many, many things that I’ve figured out about life. But that doesn’t mean I have it all figured out… or that it is even possible to figure it all out. So I want to admit to y’all that I’m struggling right now with my parenting.  There is a delicate line to tread. Really the issues are my kids, particularly my daughter, who just turned 5. She’s bipolar. She is like a little terrorist in our house. It is just so hard to work all day, run a household and that that entails and “come home” to a child who is a constant tantrum, won’t eat dinner, and won’t go to the bathroom by herself. She wakes up and comes into our bed nine out of ten nights. And we never know when she’s going to completely lose it. In a lot of ways…

Most people with ADHD have a borderline pathological fear of being early. If you are always trying to walk in exactly on time, erring on the side of not being early… you’re going to be late a lot! So, why are we so afraid of being early? Easy. We are afraid of being bored and of “wasting time.” To truly understand this, you need to understand how we as ADHDers experience boredom. Granted there is always an exception. Some ADHDers are so involved in their own rich inner life that they can get lost in their own heads anytime, any place. (From this point on, assume that I’m speaking for the majority, but not all ADHDers.) And for most of us, boredom is our Kryptonite. We experience boredom as almost physically painful. We need stimulation in a way that neurotypical people don’t. When we don’t have that stimulation, it’s super uncomfortable. Being early requires us to wait in one place, observe generally accepted societal norms of behavior like leaving our shoes on, not be optimally stimulated, and not get anything productive done… or at least that’s how it feels. And that was more likely the case in the past. But, these days, we can play on our phone, get work done on wifi, step out of the waiting room and take a call, read on or phone or kindle, or any number of things that I’m not even thinking about right now. Yes, there is still an element of forced structure. And, we probably still can’t take our shoes off. But, being 10 minutes early is hardly the cruel and unusual punishment it was before. But sometimes the reality takes a while to catch up with us. We often have such a strong aversion to being early, and it’s been…

But there are also many times that ADHD folks are late and are 100% aware that they are late or at least, if they took the time to slow down and be honest with themselves they’d know they were late. I think this behavior comes down to two causes. The first thing to know is that we run on adrenaline when our brain chemistry is not managed optimally. Adrenaline produces dopamine which is the primary neurotransmitter responsible for attention. So, anytime there is a deadline, we are more capable of attending. A typical ADHDer who may not have gotten anything done all morning, may feel a rush of adrenaline as the time that she needs to leave for an appointment approaches. That deadline indirectly produces dopamine, making her more productive in that moment than she has been all morning. That attention, regardless of its reason for being is intoxicating. It can also feel terrifyingly fleeting. It feels like an opportunity that needs to be taken advantage of. “I didn’t get anything done all morning. I can’t walk away now that I’m finally productive.” And when we are in that place, we feel like we have to “get one last thing done before we leave.” Too bad that the reality is that that one last thing never fits neatly in the time we actually have before we need to leave. But the pull is powerful, so we go with it until the last possible moment. which is actually well past the last possible moment. That’s when the mental gymnastics begin. Any of this sound familiar? …I got there in 15 minutes that one time… …I might get all green lights… …There was that one time I got a parking space right in front… …The doctor will probably be running behind anyway……

When confronted with this situation and a lack of compensation skills, most people I work with will then over do it and create an entirely different set of problems. So, a person who is chronically late and realizes that it may be because they set their alarm for too late a time everyday tends go super far in the other direction, intending to build in a huge cushion believing that then they couldn’t possibly be late. This doesn’t work for two reasons. First, there is no incentive to get up super early. This person has no evidence that it is the appropriate time to get up and should be already. But, they know in their heart that they don’t possibly need two-and-a-half hours to get ready in the morning. So, they hit the snooze button and end up getting up when they would have anyway with more anxiety and less rested. Or they semi-consciously turn off the alarm and way over sleep. (Preface to this next paragraph: I found the easiest way to write this was in the second person. But having written it, it seems kind of accusatory. Please don’t feel like I’m trying to shame anyone for their behavior. And, if this resonates with you, please don’t feel like speaking to you directly or chastising you in any way. Just trying to point out a pattern.)   The other way this method malfunctions if you can actually get up at 5:00 am instead of 7:00am. What are you going to do with those extra two hours? Are you going to take your meds early and clean the house? Are you going to go to the gym and get your dopamine on for the day? Are you going to meditate? Are you going to make a big batch of…

In my experience there are a few reasons that ADHDers are chronically late. The most  fundamental issue is our lack of time sensitivity. In my opinion, this stems from our basic neurochemical wiring. We don’t experience time as a constant. Whoever said that time flies when you’re having fun was most likely and ADHDer. When you are not aware of the time, it’s really easy to be late. Our tendency towards hyperfocus is also a contributing factor. When we do effectively attend, it is often in this hyperfocus way, which blocks out the rest of the world. Whether we are doing something fun or have finally found “the zone” for something tough, we can get totally lost in that thing. There are no clocks in “the zone.” There are also some ADHD folks who are so not present in the moment that it doesn’t even occur to them to interact with time. I always ask a clients who tell me that they are chronically late to work, “What time do you need to leave for work?” I am, (more often than you might think,) met with a very long pause and the answer, “I don’t know.”  My follow up question is usually, “How long does it take you to get to work?” There usually isn’t a great answer to that question either. Obviously, if we don’t know how long it takes to get to work, we can’t figure out what time to leave. There is a basic skill set lacking here in terms of planning before doing. For example, if I were going to start a new job tomorrow, I would Google Map my route considering what time I would need to be there, figure out the parking situation and add in time for that, and probably add a buffer…

It does not matter if you should do it faster. It does not matter how fast the kid next to you does it.  It does not matter how your grandmother did it back in the day. All that matters is reality. It only matters what you can do. If you live your life comparing yourself to everyone else, you will always be disappointed. There is always someone who is bigger, stronger, faster, etc. There is always a Michael Jordan or a LeBron James. (And, those best of the best people are often insufferable pricks anyway.) The only thing that matters is what you are capable of. You have to know your strengths and weaknesses and accept them both. Yes, continue to work on your weaknesses. Always try to be the 2.0 version of yourself. But don’t budget time based on how long you SHOULD take. That will lead to failure. Figure out how long it will take you and adjust accordingly. Find the way you can deliver with whatever your limitations (real or perceived) are.

It’s no secret that I believe that exercise is one of the most important ways to manage ADHD. Even with successful medication therapy, exercise is key to managing our brain chemistry. And if you have depression and/or anxiety like I do, you get twice the benefit from the exercise, as I also believe it to be crucial to managing those issues as well. And for the record, it’s not just me. There is more an more research all the time pointing to the neurochemical value of exercise. I’ve written a good deal about how to get a workout routine started in the past. I’ve also written about how to make it a habit and other similar topics. Today I wanted to share some recent successes I’ve had in my workout life. This is not to toot my own horn, but to share some new insights that I’ve recently gained. Let’s start with today since that’s what made me think about bringing this up. Well, actually, let’s rewind to yesterday… Or maybe we should rewind and I should share where I am in my overall workout life… My goal is to work out everyday… on average. That can mean many things. Typically I cycle through three different workouts: 5 mile run, usually on the treadmill at the gym, interval sprinting on the spin bike while watching hockey or Netflix, and one of three lifting routines. Sometimes I do two-a-days to balance out days that I don’t work out. Kind of maniacal, I know. But it works for me. I don’t necessarily recommend every do what I do. Anyway, I had taken a day off on Sunday and really didn’t feel like going on Monday. But I don’t take two days off in a row, so I forced myself to go to…

Rarely do I come across something that is so perfectly said that I don’t feel the need to put it in my own words. Please check this article out: 6 Reasons ADHD treatment fails https://us8.campaign-archive.com/?u=05c078d02e79a07f64018da62&id=729ed9eeb8&e=56e9d42595

See attached:  Here are the details as emailed to me from the doc. Participants can either be diagnosed with ADHD or ADD or have symptoms and need to be evaluated.  The medication is a long acting methylphenidate product (same as Ritalin or Concerta) but it lasts all day and into the evening so it should be very helpful for people who need coverage from morning to night.  It would be especially good for college kids (rather than giving them short acting stimulants that are more likely to be abused) or for men and women who need longer coverage during the day.  Methylphenidate is FDA approved for ADHD but this formulation of methylphenidate is being studied because of the unique delivery system.  Participants will receive a very extensive evaluation and testing (that is above and beyond what is done in ADHD clinics) and includes a physical, labs, IQ testing, SCID-5-CT diagnostic interview, tests of concentration and accuracy levels, and lots of rating scales, etc. plus observation by trained clinicians and raters during the visits. There are 2 simulated workplace days (held on Saturdays-one half day and one long day) in which their symptoms will be assessed throughout the day by trained clinicians and raters (and on the long day into the evening).  They will play group games that are fun and then take a 10 minute math test to assess their concentration and accuracy multiple times during those days.  The math tests are just addition and subtraction and are adjusted to the person’s ability and comfort level.  We make the days fun.  Most people enjoy the day and interacting with staff and other people their age with ADHD.  We provide breakfast, lunch, snacks and drinks (and dinner on the long day) on the Saturday visits.  Anyone who wants to stay at a local hotel,…

I’ve often posted my daily schedules as a visual aid. Having gone over scheduling with several new clients recently, I thought it was time to post another one. But this one is pretty specific. This is my schedule for Thanksgiving Day for 2018. Bear in mind that I am a former professional chef. So, I do a pretty legit spread even though it’s only for seven people.  So I’m pretty sure I”m posted a prep list before. But this is a really good illustration of how a list of what you have to do is an amazing start. But actually scheduling time is the best way to get things done before a deadline. In this case, I wanted dinner on the table at 5:30. Thus, I had to do all this stuff before then.  Key points: I made an initial list separated by day the previous weekend. Because there were things that I had to do ahead of time, like pick up the duck, butcher it, cure the legs, and make the stock. I also like to bake the pie the day before so I don’t have to worry about that. I also made this schedule the day before to make sure I had time to actually get everything done. If it looked like I wasn’t going to have time, I would have done more on Wednesday. Try not to get too overwhelmed by this schedule’s sheer number of things to get done. Remember that cooking puts me in my element. Put the principle is that whatever your “thing” is, you can use the same technique to manage very complex projects in real time.  By the way, dinner hit the table at exactly 5:30!  Standard Disclaimer:  In an effort to foil my own perfectionist tendencies, I do not edit my…

I’ve posted about this once before… when I got my first tattoo about 2 1/2 years ago. I’m a punk rock kid at heart. I had my hair dyed orange and twisted up in spikes into my 20’s. I had 4 piercings until I had to take them out for culinary school and subsequent jobs. Why do I tell you this? Because I’ve always wanted a tattoo. But I didn’t want to go all ADHD and get something that I would regret. So I made a rule for myself: I wouldn’t get one until I had something that I loved and still loved it 5 years later. When my son was born I realized he was it. But it took me 5 years to really decide exactly what I wanted and to come up with a design that suited his personality, and then a bit longer to find the right artist.  Then my daughter was born almost 5 years ago. I started plotting her tattoo then. I pulled the trigger a few month earlier than 5 years, but the rule still applies. I “marinated” on several design ideas and color combos and waited for her distinct personality to emerge. So I have two great pieces of ink that I love and will never regret. It just took some planning and a whole lot of patience.  Standard Disclaimer:  In an effort to foil my own perfectionist tendencies, I do not edit my posts much… if at all. Please and typos, mistakes, grammatical errors, or awkward phrasing. I focus on getting my content down. An imperfect post completed is better than a perfect post that goes unposted.

I was an English/History kid. But I’m also not the fasted reader, writer, or processor. That made it really hard to take honors/AP classes in those subjects. I had to make tough decisions about how to allocate my time. (I guess I still do.) It was pretty clear that I couldn’t take the classes that I wanted to and still carry a full load. So, my parents and I had a discussion before my freshman year about how to handle that. The basically asked me if I wanted to do high school in 5 years or take something during the summer to lighten the load during the academic year. That was an easy choice for me. I wanted to graduate with my friends. So we decided that I would take my sciences during the summer. I took Bio after my freshman year and took Chem after my sophomore year. I think I just sleep for two month after surviving my junior year. Of course that was one few class to have to worry about. Less homework, etc. But, it also gave me four extra blocks during the week to… do what? That’s the question. Back in the day at Newton North, underclassmen weren’t allowed to have free periods. So they wanted to stick me in study hall four more (total of six) periods a week. When I think about the idea of being in a classroom with 20 other kids who don’t want to be there and may not be so quiet trying to do work and having to mostly sit still, I think I’d rather be in science class. What I needed was to go find a quiet place, put on the discman (yes, I’m old) and do whatever I needed to do to survive high school. Sometimes that was staring…