I have a seven-year-old boy and a two-year-old girl. For me this is a study in developmental comparison. These kids couldn’t be much different. It is hard as a parent to not compare them to each other and to compare them to their peer group. I see this all the time with my clients and with their families. ADHD folks develop at their own rate. It is often said that ADHD kids are two to four years behind in maturity. I agree with this, but with an important caveat. That is that these kids may be super immature in some areas but very mature in other areas. You might be able to have an in depth philosophical conversation with an ADHD 11 year old as if he/she were an adult. Then that same kid might, for example, moon the whole neighborhood from the bus on the way to school the next day. (Side note: I was that kid. Good thing I didn’t take the bus. That one wasn’t autobiographical.) Anyway, I was thinking the other day about some examples that I can point to about folks who developed at their own rate and came out just fine. I thought I would share one such story with you. My Dad did not learn to read until third grade. They were just about to put him the “special” classes when his neighbor, who was a wonderful woman and a retired school teacher, stepped in and give him one on one attention. It worked and subsequently, my dad graduated from Brown with degree in Classics, wrote a play that was produced off Broadway, was a high school English teacher for 30 years, and is one of the most voracious readers I know. I have always loved this story because it reminds me to…

I recently got a brochure in the mail from Camp Ramapo. I’m not really familiar with them, so don’t consider this an endorsement. You’ll have to do your due diligence. But I think I’m comfortable endorsing the concept. It is a “traditional summer camp experience for children with social, emotional, or learning challenges.” So I thought this was an opportunity to address the issue of social/emotional development. This is not my wheelhouse. I am the first one to admit this. Outside of the problems that my impulsivity caused, I never had social problems. more than any average kid. But, I see it more and more with some of my clients, but even more so with the kids of the parents in my support group. I don’t really have expertise in this area. But the pattern that I see is that the traditional remedies like social groups, lunch groups, etc. don’t always seem to be effective for some ADHD kids. My guess is that this is primarily because of two factors. The first is that anger that many ADHD kids experience is not conducive to such a group. Second, these groups usually are composed of kids of different social levels with different social issues. Often the ADHD kids are resentful about being in a group with kids on the spectrum etc. And their attentional issues make it very difficult to be patient about other kids issues if they don’t look like their own. Anyway the reason I decide to post on this is because the camp brochure got me thinking about how much better a social “group” would work better for these types of kids if the group was a whole camp, where some self selection could occur and where the learning could happen in the context of fun. It might…

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts the other day and got the distinct feeling that the topic was skirting around a topic that I discuss with my clients all the time: stimulation seeking behaviors. The whole podcast is interesting. But, I made a note that about 30 minutes in was a particularly relevant portion. Unfortunately, I can’t remember what it was or why it was so relevant… I was driving at the time. So, I’m grateful that I accessed any of my mental note on the topic.

This is a concept that I named several years ago and very much comes under the heading of understanding your own behavior… Why is it that we do what we do?  Sometimes it is simply that we chose the task that sucks the least. I always think of the college kid who doesn’t do laundry for the first 6 weeks of school because it’s so boring and tedious. But then when it’s time to study for midterms, suddenly that’s a great time to do laundry. This kid will then spend all day doing laundry and may even clean his/her room. And it’s not that those things aren’t in need of being done and won’t help his/her ability to focus in that environment, but let’s be honest. He or she is really avoiding studying because laundry is now not at that top of the “hierarchy of suck.” Studying is. Laundry if finally the lesser of two evils.

Quick tip. When you are trying new medications for anything it is a really good idea to keep a brief but rigorous journal of the dates, names, dosages, effects, side effects, etc. The average human being has a hard time remembering this stuff. It is especially tough for those of us with aDHD. But this is tremendously helpful data for you and your doctor. It will help you get where you need to be now and may be a valuable resource in the future, when if will be even harder to remember the details. Don’t make it into a complicated process or you are likely to do it. Develop your own code or shorthand. Set an alarm to do it daily at a time when you feel attentive. In addition to start dates, changes keep daily records. I suggest that you track the following on a daily basis: -Time taken -When it seems to wear off (if applicable) -Mood -Attention -Any other effects good or bad -Summary of your behavior Standard Disclaimer: In an effort to foil my own perfectionist tendencies, I do not edit my posts much… if at all. Please and typos, mistakes, grammatical errors, or awkward phrasing. I focus on getting my content down. An imperfect post completed is better than a perfect post that goes unposted.

Actually, I’m tremendously anxious and borderline terrified about what comes next for our country. But, I’ve still got seven clients today who need me. I’ve still got a wife and two kids. I still have a business, and a home, and bills, and responsibilities.  As ADHDers we can get very “stuck” when something goes wrong, goes very well, scares, excites us, or gets in our head. That thing can become a roadblock that may seem insurmountable. I think it is a valuable life skill to learn to put those extreme thoughts and feelings “in a box.” There will be a time and a place to address them, but they can’t become a roadblock to the rest of our lives. I learned this lesson from a fantastic chef I used to work for named Carmen Qualiata. I was working for him at The Vault at the time… maybe 13 years ago. One day I got a call from my mom who told me that my grandfather had fallen and broken his neck. He was 92 at the time, I believe. When I got to work I told Carmen what had happened and let him know that I was pretty shaken up. He absolutely had sympathy for me, but I also let me know that managing situations like this was what being an adult was all about. We all have our day to day baggage. It’s our job to leave it at the door and still do the job we have to do. I would say today falls in that category for me. I certainly don’t “feel fine.” But at the same time, I have to. So I’m going to check my baggage at the door and dive in to my work and my family. That’s all I can do, right?

Fantastic article on hoarding and a new public policy method of dealing with it in public housing right here in Boston. Remind me a lot of my approach with the clutter prone. Though I don’t work with really hoarders. The behaviors that are described in the article are very common among my organizing clients. Think about the statistic referenced about the percentage and number of hoarders projected to be living in the U.S. You know someone who has hoarding or at least borderline hoarding issues. 

5:20 is the end of my day. And, you can see that I added a few more things on the bottom right of the list and managed to get them done. I actually had more than 20 minutes to relax at the end of the day having gotten everything done. Again, the point is not that I ended up getting everything done. That hardly ever happens. The point is that I managed to be productive from the minute I got out of bed through my whole day and got so much more done than if I hadn’t made the schedule. And it felt so good at the end of the day to look at my To Do List and see all this stuff crossed off and know that the rest of my week was going to be so much easier as a result. 

Here’s a picture of the same schedule as of 11am. That’s a good time for me to reassess because it’s when I take my second dose of meds (Concerta) and that more or less divides my day.  You may note that I’ve skipped one thing in the a.m., added a bracket full of things that came up that I wanted to get done in the morning. [Important note: those things also went onto my To Do List. Ultimately that is where they get accounted for. This schedule is a tool to help get them accomplished.]  You can also see that I assessed one afternoon task and considered trying to multitask with another item.  So far so good. But to be honest with everyone, it rarely goes this smoothly. But, it seemed to make sense to post pics of a list that didn’t get to crazy with scribbles and arrows and such. Plus, I’m hoping this reinforces the idea of how productive one can be when the planning piece is there. 

I have been working with many of my clients lately to help them with daily scheduling. Once they have gotten going on the To Do List, the daily schedule is the next step toward efficiency and control of time management. I’ve posted a few of my own daily schedules in the past, but I’m not sure they are easy to find on the blog or that the pictures came out great. So, I’m going to post a few pictures in a series of posts that show how I moved through one day using my daily schedule. The picture attached to this photo is the list that I made for Oct. 25th. As I always suggest, I wrote it out the day before just before the I knocked off for the day at 5:05.

How ADHD affects women and girls differently is an important area of research. The more research that is done, the more we know that ADHD does in fact affect women differently and that hormones play a large role in that. Great mini article from CHADD on the topic. It is written by Dr. Patricia Quinn who is the person to read when you want to learn about ADHD in women and girls. Also an excellent speaker. I heard her speak five or so years ago at Brown. Very engaging. Check out the article:

My wife forwarded me this link. It is a powerful story and a beautifully written article. And, it so happens that the author/family happen to be family friends. And, no, it is not an ADHD related issue. However, I remember vividly the “debate” about whether ADHD was real. I assure you that it is. Though there are still deniers out there. Ignorance is hard to eradicate. Well, I think there is a comparison to be made to transgender issues. For the vast majority of us, gender is simple. For most of us sexuality is pretty straightforward. So, we assume that it is like that for everyone. Apparently, that is not the case for everyone.  It takes courage, humility, and an open heart to embrace the idea that our own personal experience is not the only experience. I for one have only been inside me. I don’t assume to know what it is like inside anyone else. Our society only benefits when we realize that our strength is in our diversity. It is hard for me to fathom what it is like to feel like you were born in the wrong body. (If that is even an accurate characterization.) But my sample size of one hardly covers the breadth of human experience. I applaud those who have the courage to be who they are without reservation or apology. So, I’ve chosen to celebrate one such family here. Cheers!