Last week was my off week from coaching, usually a week to dig in at the computer and do some of the running my business stuff I need to do.  This month, however, I took the week off from “work” to get the house squared away for our second child, who is due in early April. I was building a nursery, reorganizing our oldest’s play area, moving rooms around, buying stuff at Ikea, putting that Ikea stuff together, getting some local kids to move furniture for (with) me, coordinating my mom to come in and paint, etc. etc. etc…  All while not killing anyone, or throwing any power tools out the window.   I didn’t think much of this process in terms of my ADHD until I was discussing it with one of my clients yesterday.  Turns out it was an executive function masterpiece!  I point this out not to “pump my own tires” but to illustrate that it is possible for any of us with ADHD to learn the EF skills to make a huge project like this manageable.  It was not easy or fun, but more or less went according to plan.   I guess the key point here is that THERE WAS A PLAN for it to go according to.  Any minute I spent planning, either by myself or with my wife was saved three fold in the doing of all this. Here are a few highlights that can be good templates for all of us.  In no particular order… I know that transitioning my attention to write stuff down when I’m doing really intensive planning is hard for me.  So, during the planning process I walked around the rooms in our house with a tape measure and my wife had a pen and paper.  Also, at Ikea, I did the…

So… I’ve noticed that many people with organizational issues (with or without ADHD) struggle with the daily or weekly grind of buying the right food, planning meals, and executing them.  I have a bunch of strategies around this topic and though I’d share them with y’all.  Many of them were born of my experience running professional kitchens, but are all super-helpful and super-relevant at home too. Food Shopping: The first point is that you need to have some sort of regularly scheduled time that you do the weekly shopping.  It needs to be a time that everyone in the household knows about.  (Read: deadline to get what you want!) Keep a magnetized list on the fridge that is big enough to hold your whole weeks shopping list on one page. Keep a pen (that writes on vertical surfaces) in top of the fridge or right next to the list. Write things on the list when you realize you aren’t going to have enough to get through the current week and the next week.  (NOT WHEN THE BOX IS EMPTY!) If you go to two different stores like we do, use two pages of the list. Make the list in sections.  For example, produce at the top, frozen food at the bottom.   Even try making it in the order of the isles if you know the store well.  (This really helps with our not-so-great working memory.  It’s nice to go down the list in order.) Have a powwow before the night before or morning of going to the store.  Move round the kitchen or house in a a specific order looking for visual clues of things that might have been forgotten. While making the list decide on lunches and dinners for the week, and buy the right food. Don’t go shopping when you…

I work very hard to keep the distraction monster at bay most of the time.  But, once in a while I let him in to play.  I have had a very very busy three weeks with my business.  I have plenty of work to do today, but none is urgent, and I have no clients.  So when I woke up I spent a few lazy minutes with my son before mom took him to school.  Then I watched a few minutes of Sweden v. Switzerland.  (Olympic hockey.)  Then I chose not to shave and that time… and then some in the warm shower to think about how I should prepare for the zombie apocalypse.  (I know.  I watch and read too much SciFi.)   The point is that this morning was a rare low stress, low pressure, no deadline time.  I managed to find a middle-ground between staying in my PJs and watching hockey all day and diving right in to the office, which would probably lead to me staring at the computer unproductively for quite a while or burning out and being done for the day at noon.   I guess, what I hope you take away from this is that there is voice in your head that will tell you to stay on the couch all day.  There may also be a voice that says, “GO, GO, GO!”  Seems pretty black and white, right?  It doesn’t have to be either extreme.  If the real you is telling yourself that you need a little break, take it.  Come back refreshed and ready to kick ass!

Last weeks Special Ed Post included a link (click here) to the stupidest story I have ever seen.  Apparently it takes local TV news from Jacksonville to top the ignorance of The New York Times editorial page.  And that’s saying something.  I had to write another letter to the editor on this one.  As professionals who deal with ADHD, we have to say something when this kind of garbage is put out there.  Without our objections, this junk is passes off as truth.  

If you’ve followed my blog, I’m pretty sure I’ve posted about how disenchanted I am with the ICF (International Coach Federation) and the accreditation process. In short, it is archaic, nonsensical, exclusionary, narrow minded, insulting, borderline extortionist, counterproductive, and inching toward evil. (At the risk of being dramatic…) Everything about the accreditation process got in my head and made me doubt what I was doing and how. The more I focused on being the coach ICF wanted, the worse a coach I was. I just got a letter of recommendation from a the Mom of a client I recently “graduated.” Well, really I worked with the whole family. They came all the way down from NH to meet me in person a few times and then we transitioned to skype meetings. I’m posting a copy of the letter for two reasons. First, it makes me feel good to be able to show the world what I can do. But more importantly, the lesson I learned was to stick to my guns. When you know deep down you’re right and that you’re doing good work, don’t let the man tell you how to be. As a mother of an adolescent with ADHD, there have been many times in which I have thought “if only” whatever….If only I had realized earlier that something was not quite right with my son’s lack of focus. If only he were diagnosed earlier. If only I had pushed harder when we did realize that there was more to it than his just being “a boy”. The only thing that I feel that we have done right thus far has been to find Matt as an ADHD coach. Previous providers have worked with us, but they did not suit our needs. All too often middle aged women…

One of my biggest pet peeves about anything in life is the ADHD “debate.” The whole idea that there is a debate infuriates me to the core of my being. I’ve never written a post on this because I get so riled up that I often can’t put my feeling in to words. The “debate” really boils down to science vs. not-science. And, on a larger level, I find the portion of our society that is turning its back on science disturbing. Whether it is ADHD, global warming, evolution I struggle to understand why so many people refuse to believe what can be proven by science. Well, there I go getting fired up. Here is a link to a great article that clearly, rationally, and very intelligently says what I would like to have the patience to say myself. (Sorry that’s not a link and you’ll have to cut and paste… tech issues.) Also, take a look at the comments. Some of our leading ADHD minds have very intelligent things to say. But of course there is the predictable ignorance sprinkled in. I have to ask myself what is in it for these people to so staunchly be against helping people who are in pain and can clearly be helped. Maybe more on this later… if I can calm down…

To switch gears and address weed specifically, I’ve had many clients who use it as a crutch for insomnia, anxiety, and appetite (while on meds.) Here’s the problem: It is an inefficient and potentially harmful bandaid for those issues, and it often makes them worse in the long run, while diminishing overall functioning in the short run. Using weed to relax doesn’t take in to account the negative emotional effects of not smoking first thing the next morning. (And, if you wake & bake, you’re in even more trouble.) Plus weed is a depressant. It acts much like alcohol in this respect. It makes you feel good in the short term, but leaves you with some serious neurochemical baggage later. Using it as a sleep aid usually screws up you sleep pattern even more and lessens your functioning for the following day. I have also heard of a recent study that demonstrates that chronic chronic smokers show a 10 point lessening of IQ by decade. I figure that those of us with ADHD need all the functioning we can get. The strange thing is that there are plenty of safe, effective, approved pharmaseutical remedies for these symptoms. Ativan doesn’t make you stupider, but can help you relax. Ambien shouldn’t mess up your whole sleep schedule if taken properly. And appropriate management of you ADHD can help both problems! When confronted with the facts, I’ve had some people say, “well weed is natural. I guess I can’t argue with that. But, snake venom is natural too. I wouldn’t put that in my body. I’ll stick with the Ativan.

I didn’t drink at all until I was about 20. I managed to get through 3 semesters at UMass Amherst having a total of about 4 drinks. I knew I had addiction in the family. Plus, I take an amount of stimulants every day that would kill a donkey. I spent most of my life trying to get myself under control. Then I started cooking full time… I will be the first to admit that I drank too much in my early/mid twenties. To be honest, I had so much going on then, I’m not totally sure how it affected me. I know my body could handle a lot then, but I never considered how it affected my brain. Here’s what I’ve noticed in my mid-thirties. I fell like $#!* the day after I have about 3 drinks now. I don’t drink much anymore anyway. But, I will enjoy some drinks at a party or poker night or when we go out to dinner. I seem to be fine with one or two. But, if I have much more than that, I’ve noticed that the following day my attention and mood are less than stellar. The reason I bring this up is that alcohol and weed, (though I have zero personal experience with weed,) are often false prophets. They can do one thing for us in the short term, but can wreak havoc in the long term. Check out the next post for a bit on weed…

I have a four year old. He is awesome, but like any child can be a pain in my … One technique I’ve developed that I use with him came up in a session earlier this week with a client. My client liked it, so I thought I’d share it with all of you. When my little guy wants something, or doesn’t want something he often has a remarkable ability to articulate what he’s feeling. He also has the ability to spectacularly melt down. I read an article a few years ago about what goes on in a toddler’s brain during a tantrum. It was described as an electrical storm. The take away was that you literally could not reason with a child when in that state. You just have to let them calm down first. Well, my guy isn’t a tantrumer, per se. But, he can get his cry on like any kid. Here’s how I deal with it. I am the one who sets the limits (along with my wife.) He is the one who is learning, with our help, to stay within the lines. There are some rules that are hard and fast, some are situational, and some decisions are semi-arbitrary just to keep life moving. For example, what the options are for lunch. When the melt down is about one of the many daily things that are not hard and fast rules, I don’t mind being flexible… within reason. But, I also can’t have him knowing that he gets his way by crying or freaking out. So, when he melts down. I gently and lovingly ask him to pull himself together, ask him if we get what we want by freaking out, and offer to have a conversation with him once he has calmed down. When…

I have a new theory… I would love it if the earth’s orbit was faster. It would be awesome to have two months of snow and then spring. It would also be great to have only two months of summer. More frequent change would be great. So, after I came up with this idea, it didn’t take me long to realize this is a pretty ADHD take on life. Constant change would freak me out. But more regular change would be nice. The reason I bring this up is that I think as ADHD adults we need to be acutely aware of the seasons and how they affect us. I certainly struggle in the winter. Right about now, post holidays, I realize that I’m looking at two more months of freezing my @$$ off, taking 15 minutes to get my 4 year-old out the door, snow days (which I don’t look forward to as an adult,) cleaning off the car, not getting to run around, going (it seems like) days at a time without seeing the sun, and having far fewer options for fun and exercise. I think all these factors mean that we need to be particularly aware of the decisions we make and our motivations. It is easy to feel stale, stuck, and blah at this time of year. Major life decision should probably be under particular scrutiny. Is it the right time to change jobs? Is the the right time to make relationship decisions? Is it the right time to buy that shiny new car? I don’t know. But, I know that it might be a good idea to hold off just a little while and make sure it’s the right decision. My suggestion for the winter is to take a look at what you can add…

  My wife is away at a conference for four and a half days. She doesn’t travel for work too often, usually about twice a year. I started making these calendars with my son when he was about two. It has now become some what of a routine that he enjoys. But more importantly, it gives him (and me) structure while Mom is away and helps him learn to understand time. I apologize in advance for my crude artwork. Crayons are not my medium. Here’s what he gets out of the calendar in a little more depth. Four days can seem like an eternity to a toddler, preschooler, or most of us with ADHD. The calendar is a visual way to represent time, which is a pretty abstract concept. Making the calendar together is an opportunity for us to bond and plan fun things to do while Mommy is away. It is also the first step of allowing him to help me plan. So, I’m modeling good executive functions and teaching them to him. He has always enjoyed crossing the days off with me and seeing how many days are left. (I also did this with him for the month before we moved in to your new house. I really think it helped him understand the process and somewhat eased the transition.) For the first time he has really taken ownership this trip and crossed the previous day off by himself before even coming to get me in the morning. He has even taken to crossing out the pictures of things that got changed, moved, or taken out of our schedule. FYI: for whatever reason my post won’t stop bullet-pointing… so get used to it! We don’t do the calendar every weekend, but I do make a point to give…

I watched a great movie yesterday while I was home sick, Phoebe in Wonderland. I’m telling you about it because I think it is relevant to how we as parents of kids who have issues look at the world. I also think this is one you might have missed because I don’t think the publicity about the film really did justice to what it was all about. I thought it was going to be a light hearted film about a child who doesn’t quite fit in. It was actually a much deeper exploration of a child who was really struggling with a real diagnosis. (A real diagnosis that I won’t spoil, though it is not a huge surprise in the end.) In large part the movie was also about her mother’s journey though accepting this. I’ll let you watch the movie and see how it turns out. I will say that even though this girl’s issue wasn’t ADHD, it reminded me very much of how some parents struggle to handle a child who has a something that has a real name. There’s not just “spirited, energetic, march to the beat of their own drum, day dreamy, adorably absent minded, imaginative, etc.” They may be some of these things, but if they have ADHD too, it needs to be addressed in order for them to be the best whateverthey are that they can be. I guess my take away here is that as parents we can’t get caught up in our own conceptions of what we want our children to be or how that may reflect on us a parents. We have to recognize who they really are and love them for that, warts and all. And, we simply have to take advantage of everything we can to help our children,…