It’s been a busy week and I’ve written some epic posts lately. So just a quick tip for this week. I’m not a big supplement guy. The vast majority of supplements just haven’t been proven to be effective. I would strongly encourage you to only take supplements that are doctor recommended and have a robust evidence base behind their use, particularly when it comes to your kids. But, when it comes to younger kids, supplements that are proven to work can be a great way to treat certain issues for a period of time, until the kids get a little older and will tolerate medication a little better. For example, studies done at MGH show that a combination of high EPA fish oil and inositol, which is a B vitamin are an effective non-pharmacological treatment for mania and also offer some relief for depression and anxiety. My oldest used this combo for a year or two until his symptoms progressed to the point where we had to move on to something stronger. But that’s not what I want to share. What I want to share is the company Natural Healthy Concepts. They have a fabulous selection of supplements. There prices are reasonable, considering the very high prices of supplements to begin with. Their customer service is great. And, THE BEST PART FOR ADHDers is that they can set you up with a super-reliable auto refill. I never had to worry about my son’s supplements. The came right on time. Each was set at a different interval. They shipped promptly. The interval was really easy to edit in my account if his dosing changed. Strongly recommended

Mindfulness. Being mindful. Being present. Living in the moment. Slowing down. Slowing the ADHD mind. Slowing the ADHD body. Meditation? Breathing? Focus? Stillness? How? How long? Is it even possible? What if I fail? There are many reasons that I always believed that meditation was beyond me as a hyperactive ADHDer. I considered my exercise to be my meditation, as that was the closest I got to clearing my head and “resetting” myself. And, I do still consider my working out to be somewhat mindful and definitely an ADHD management tool. But I have had my relationship with mindfulness change quite a bit in the last few years. Here’s the short version. I started meditating with my oldest son when he did a trail through our doctor at MGH of using the “kids calm” meditation on Head Space. I found out that a five minute meditation designed for kids works great for an ADHD adult. I’ve subsequently moved on to mostly doing semi-guided or unguided meditation. But I still enjoy doing the kids one with my kids when I can get them to sit still. What I learned is that meditation isn’t pass/fail and that you don’t have to do it for a half an hour to get a benefit. Sometimes I can get enough benefit from 7-10 minutes that I can control my anxiety enough that I don’t need an Ativan. That’s pretty powerful. And, no, I don’t think I’ve ever really cleared my mind. But, if I can get down to only thinking about one thing, instead of the 20 things I’m usually batting around between my ears, that seems like a victory. And how I feel afterwards would seem to back that up. So, I say, give it a try. Or do some research on other forms…

Decision making is not an executive function. Difficulty with decision making is not a symptom of ADHD. So why do so many ADHDers have difficulty making decisions? I think there are a few reasons. But the primary reason is that the actual process of making a decision is the perfect storm of Attention, Working Memory (Executive Function,) Managing Impulsivity, and Managing Anxiety. In short, to make a difficult or complex decision, we need to do all of the things that we stink at. So, what’s the solution? I have a few tips. Make the commitment to actually make decisions. Decide to decide. Don’t let yourself kick the can down the road. If I’ve learned anything from doing this for over a decade it is that NOTHING GETS BETTER BY PUTTING IT OFF. Occasionally things go away, but even that usually has negative consequences. Be intentional about making your decision. Separate the decision from any other related tasks that you have to do and isolate that as its own task. Give yourself time and space to make that decision. Do research if you need to, but limit yourself to a specific amount of research so it doesn’t drag on indefinitely. Recognize that there is often no perfect solution and no amount of research or thinking can come up with all the answers. Rarely are things 100%. Sometimes 51% has to do. Recognize that in many cases, there are more than one right decisions and/or the decision isn’t final or can be changed/fixed at some point down the road. Manage any anxiety you may feel with exercise, meditation, and/or self talk, especially if it is a big decision. Lastly, make sure you are optimal when you set aside time to make your decision and/or do your research. Be medicated, well slept, not…

So… It has been a while since I posted. My bad. But in my defense, my last post was epic. I hope nobody was thrown for a loop. It ended up getting kind of personal. This is the quick post I intended to write that day. (And I’m going to back date it and hopefully post again tomorrow!) For those of you who know me, you know know that I live by my To Do List. So much so that I’m writing a book about my To Do List strategy and I teach it to all my clients. Generally I don’t include the normal day to day stuff that I do every morning like showering, cooking everyone’s breakfast, doing the dishes, icing after my workout, etc. But I was finding that since just doing those things were my victories for the day, I “wanted credit” for them. So putting them on the list and crossing them off was important, even if that meant just uncrossing them at the end of the day so I could cross them off tomorrow. It gave me a real sense of progress and success, something I very much needed. Now, as my depression seems to be abating and my productivity is returning, those things just clutter up my To Do List and I’m starting to take them off. But they really helped get me through.

So, not strictly an #ADHD topic today. But #Depression is pretty ADHD adjacent. Some studies have shown that up to 65% of ADHDers have some form of comorbid depression and/or anxiety. I certainly do. And, if you’ve been reading me for any length of time, you know that I love to share my tips, tricks, and triumphs. As my mentor coach one said, (paraphrasing) one of the things that we are selling is that we are pretty good at life. As haughty as that sounds. I don’t think it is untrue. I have two great role models in my parents. I have had many other great influences in my life, from coaches to teachers to friends. And, I’ve had the wherewithal to do a lot of work on myself along the way that has paid off. Having said that, I think I’d be both disingenuous and a pretty big asshole if I did admit my own vulnerabilities. I’m an ADHD coach and a life coach because I happen to think I get “it” right far more often than not. But I very much have struggles. And, I think it is important for those of us who put ourselves up on any kind of pedestal, proclaiming to be an expert, to also proclaim that we are human. We have weaknesses, we make mistakes, and we have struggles. I know that I’ve mentioned this in the context of the daily schedules that I post regularly. I used to only post those that went swimmingly. But I’ve come to realize that people get as much or more out of seeing how I handle a day that doesn’t go according to plan than they do seeing how I plan things perfectly. So, I’m making it a point, as I experience the vicissitudes of modern…

Now that I’ve hipped you to the ADDitude podcast feed, if you are a girl or a woman with ADHD you need to check out #337. Everyone knows that I like generate my own content on this blog. But sometimes I just need to refer to someone more expert than myself. Underdiagnosis and undertreatment in girls and women has been a problem for decades. Now that ADHD in Women is finally being addressed and studied, there is really important science that all ADHD women should know about. If you are a women, there are ways that your ADHD may really be different from your brother’s, husband’s, or father’s ADHD.

I’ve always listened to the ADDitude webinars as webinars. I never listen live. They are a great resource. About one in ten is worth it for me. Which is saying something, with how much I already know about ADHD. I particularly get a lot out of those that feature co-occuring conditions. But, it has always been a hassle to sign in to listen to the webinar after the fact and have my phone open on the browser, etc. And, they mention at the beginning that there is an option to listen in podcast form. I DO NOT KNOW WHY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ACTUALLY HEAR THAT AND REALIZE I COULD LISTEN TO THESE WEBINARS AS PODCAST. But I can. And, they have a mainstream chanel. I get it on spotify in my regular feed. I’ll probably still sign up for the webinar, just to remember to listen to that specific one when it comes out, since I don’t listen to all of them. But this is a fabulous option. Get them here or wherever you get your podcasts.

Identity is an interesting thing. It is so important to who we are and how perceive ourselves and the world. Yet, it is not always rooted in fact or in the present. I can speak from personal experience when I say how difficult it was for me to transition from being a professional chef to being a professional organizer and coach. It took me quite a while to catch up psychologically to who the new me was. I held on to my chef’s pants and didn’t use my “nice” knives for a long time. It felt weird saying what I did for quite a while.  As I have reflected on this, I’ve had some revelations that I can relate to many of my clients. When I left being a chef, I was confident, accomplished, and successful. I left those feelings for something new, uncertain, unproved, and scary. There was a gap in my life where I felt somewhat without an identity until my new career/ business was up and running and successful. This was a difficult process to work through. Also, by nature of my first profession’s demands, I didn’t have a lot else in my life. I had my wife and son, but that’s about it. I didn’t have many 9 to 5 friends left, no time for hobbies or sports, and a life that was pretty unbalanced. One result was that I didn’t have many other anchors to tie my identity other than my profession. I have notices a similar thing happen to many of my younger student clients when they start addressing their ADHD for the first time, particularly with medication. In some instances, their friends notice that they are “different.” They usually notice that they feel different as well. Of course, different isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But, when different takes away…

So, about a month ago there was an article in ADDitude the title of which was “Will I Ever Be a ‘Good Enough’ Mother?” When I saw that I knew I was going to have to write a blog post about it even before I read it. So I made a note to come back to it and didn’t have time to read it until today. And, It was exactly what I expected…. https://www.additudemag.com/how-to-be-a-good-mom-with-adhd/?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=parent_june_2021&utm_content=061221&goal=0_d9446392d6-9194c49d4a-287561789 So, I acknowledge that there is a unique societal pressure on Moms. This article did a pretty good job pointing that out. But I don’t think that is any great revelation. There is a lot of unfair and undue pressure on women in our culture in pretty much all aspects of their lives. Women get paid 70 cents on the dollar. One in four women are raped or assaulted at least once in their lifetime, if not more. Women are often subject to a glass ceiling. Check out the NOVA “Picture A Scientist,” if you want a good idea of how damn hard it is for women in STEM fields and many other male-dominated professions. So, this post isn’t about diminishing the struggles that women face daily in our society, or diminishing the psychological baggage that Moms have in our culture. But, what about the Dads? I know that there are dads who still can’t use the washing machine and cook anything other than spaghetti. But most of the dads I know are guys who take just as active a role in their households as their wife’s do and they both work full time. In some cases, like mine, the mom is the primary breadwinner. There are a lot of “traditional role” pressures on dads too. We are just expected to stoically bear them. I’ve…